Dont Let Black Friday Put You in the Red

(control) = (happiness)

Let me predict the news at your local network affiliate: long lines fought to get deep discounts on big ticket items. Store owners report solid sales but the numbers did not reach expectations.

Am I a psychic? No. But I know that will be the story, barring some national disaster. Black Friday. All the hype. All the noise. But it is just another day, even if the media and their spin doctors call it otherwise. Sure there are some real bargins out there, I won't deny that. However, based on the status of our personal, as well as national economics, bargains, and the pursuit of them, has gotten in this condition. Why not make today the first day you give in to the consumer peer pressure affiliated with this day?

Spend money on gifts if you have it. Even if you do have it, don't go overboard. On a budget? Make gifts if you are handy or offer to do favors, or cook for loved ones, or just tell them how much they mean to you. Not all presents have to be brand new and wrapped in plastic.

A large portion of our national and personal grief can be directly linked to our compulsive consumerism which has to stop. Why not make today the day to take a stand?

Don't Want to Overeat? Ruin Your Appetite (and Other Ideas to Preserve Your Waistline)

(< calories in) = (< work to get it off)

It is almost time to sit down with the family and you know Aunt Mae has brought her infamous pecan pie. What to do?

Ruin your appetite. 

One hour before the family sits down, have a few glasses of water and eat a protein bar. It will fill you up and make all those goodies seem a little less good. Also, make wise choices--focus on soups (if there is soup, eat two servings) and vegetables and shy away from casseroles, fried foods and mayonaise-based items.

What to do when you are encouraged (pressured) to get seconds? Don't say, "oh no, I am watching what I eat," as alll that will do is get those who aren't to taunt you. Get up, put a few things on a plate and then put the plate in front of you. After a minute or two get up to get something to drink and don't sit back at the table, or sit in some other seat. The status quo will be satisfied and your can keep your holiday eating in check.

As for desserts? Eat them if you feel so inclined. Have a small slice and don't finish it. Or finish it. But realize the consequences of eating it, or anything. Food in = energy out. The less intake, the less work to get it off your body.

Happy holidays!

The Brits Require Darwin in Their Schools

(science) / (myth + religion) = anti-intellectualism

In a pro-scientific move, the Brits have declared that Darwin is to be taught in all public schools across their country beginning in 2011. Thiw move makes a great deal of sense in that the theory of evolution is one of the greatest scientific achievements of the past two centuries, influencing almost all other intellectual disciplines in a way few other theories ever have.

Three cheers for the British educators realizing the value of a science-based. evidence-based education. Perhaps educational leaders on this side of the Atlantic who bemoan our dwindling science skills should consider a similar move. After all, weren't we the ones who fought so hard for a division between church and state?

Oh, on a related note; I am finally catching up with the Nova series Becoming Human. If you want the latest science on how we became the sophisticated (in some way too sophisticated?) animal that we are. here is the link.

Read the story on Darwin in British schools here.

Getting Mental Health Care With No Money

I just read this wonderful article on treating mild to moderate mental issues with little or no money. Since so few Americans have little or no mental health coverage, I think this topic will become increasingly important, public option or not:

Click here for the article from The New York Times.

Happy Saturday!

Dietary Trap: Juice

(behavior) / (observation) = change

I was spending a pleasant weekend with a friend when he asked me a question that I had no answer to:

"Do you have any juice to drink?"

Not what you expected, I imagine, but it was shocking to me. Because over the past decade or so I have analyzed every dietary habit I have. I want to know how things are prepared, what is in them and what the caloric consequences are for everything I eat and drink. And one of the many changes I went through in that process was eliminating every beverage that has anything more than a calorie or two per serving.

The reason is that those calories are easy calories to absorb and are typically undetected by the body. In other words, they don't help satiation. A person can sit down and drink a Coca-Cola or Snapple and in the process, intake a few hundred calories without even thinking about it. And one of the goals of having a healthy mody is thinking about the total number of daily calories consumed.

Which takes me back to juice. I think juice is one of the cruelest caloric jokes ever played on the American people. It is packed with calories--8 ounces of orange juice has 122 calories, 17 more than Coke--and an inordinate amount of sugar (over 29 grams). Beyond that, it has no content--you can  swallow it in less than a minute and be done with it. Your stomach, looking for solid material to digest and process, barely registers juice.

So juice is a decided no-no for those of you working on weight issues. No fiber, tons of calories and sugar and not satisfying. Want the benefits of OJ? Eat an orange. Eat two. Forget the propaganda of the past fifty years. Juice is not that good for you.

David Ezell will be giving a free talk on changing your mind and body--your mody--Thursday evening at 7 PM as part of the TRS Professional Suites free speakers series. He will be speaking at 44 E. 32nd Street, 11th floor at 7 pm sharp. Seating is limited so please come early. 

An Example from Starbucks of How to NOT Get What You Want

 (requests) + (incentives) = results

I was going through my email today and got a request from Starbucks (edited for space considerations):

Dear David,

Thank you for being a Starbucks customer. As a customer, you canprovide a unique perspective on the products we offer. We would like you to participate in a brief survey about your away-from-home preferences for coffee, espresso and tea beverages, last occasion at Starbucks and interest in select special offers from Starbucks.

We know how busy you are, and with that in mind we have structured the survey to take no more than 5 minutes of your time. When you are ready to start, please go to the survey by either clicking on the link or copying and pasting the address into your browser.

Thanks for being a Starbucks customer, and we look forward to serving you in our stores!

Warm regards,

The Beverage Team

Starbucks Coffee Company

What's wrong here? No reward, no incentive for me to comply. Why in the world would I take five minutes of my time to give one of the wealthiest multi-national companies in the world my information with no compensation? For a second I thought they were going to give me a reason (We know how busy you are....) but what was missing was the second half of that sentence (created, obviously, by moi):

and to thank-you for your time and assistance, we will give you a code for a free drink of your choice in any or our stores.

But that carrot was not there so I hit the delete button and moved on. All stick does not work for me, and doesn't for most people.

Want results? Give someone a reason to act. Otherwise, they will probably hit delete too.

When Should We Be Alarmed?

(problems) - (PANIC!) = solutions

When should we be alarmed? Never. Panicking never makes things better, only worse.

Recently on one of my professional discussion groups a woman asked:

"Why is the number of chilren [sp] diagnosed with Autism increasing? Are we becoming alarmed?"

I think her question was sincere but is flavored by the sort of sensationalism that  decades of local TV news has created in our culture. I love people who ask questions and certainly ask my fair share. That said, effective questions are ones that lead to clarity, not create chaos.

That said, this is the response I wrote to the woman on my board:

Becoming alarmed about autism does nothing. I think many people who are uninformed are becoming alarmed. But should we? I think not. Becoming alarmed does nothing but make a problem bigger.

What is the reason for increase in the diagnosis of autism? Unsure....and this is not my areas of expertise so I am hesitant to add much to this discourse. However, I think if you look at other conditions that are hard to diagnose--ADHD comes to mind but I am sure there are others--there is a rise in its diagnosis as well. I think as we refine our knowledge we have a higher degree of understanding about such conditions. So that is certainly one factor.

One thing I do know....there is no one cause. Mono-causality is a common mistake and an oversimplification of any problem or an attempt to find a solution. There are a variety of reasons and each needs to be examined calmly and in a consistent fashion.

Beware dear readers of anyone who uses fear or panic to sell their agenda, or products, or services. The only reason for panic that I can see is an increasing number of people are finding that creating fear and hysteria are a legitimate way to make a buck.

Oprah's Ethics with Regard to the "Monkey Woman"

Please forgive me if this post seems a little rushed, but I am posting it quickly before I see my evening clients. I even considered NOT discussing it at all as talking about it makes it bigger...but nonetheless.

I was at the gym and on the big screens, as well as many of the little ones that dot the facility, Oprah was playing as she does in most markets at 4 PM. I was running and reading (multi-tasker that I am) and looked up to see Oprah talking to a woman with a veil over her face. I tuned my machine's unit in and put in my earbuds. It was the lady who had tragically had her face torn off by a pet monkey earlier this year.

Oprah was respectful and patient in her questioning and responses as she usually is. However, a little past the thirty minute mark she asked the lady if she would let Oprah TAKE OFF THE VEIL! I was stunned and turned of my unit as I did not want to see it. However, the big screen played on and the rest of the interview was conducted without the netting she had on earlier.

Wow, I am really uncomfortable with this not so much as a clinican but as a human being. What I want to know, and perhaps that information is out there, is did the lady tell Oprah she wanted to show her face or did the grand lady of TV ask her? If it was the second, I find that to be an egregious abuse of her power and influence. Any ideas on which version is what occurred?

And then, to top it off, the minute the show ended the local affiliate led the news with the image of the woman's face. All the news in the country and this is a lead story? One more strike, as if they needed one, against them. I find most media to be repulsive opportunists...and this is more evidence to support my argument against them.

Let's Keep ALL the Fort Hood Victims in Our Thoughts

This is an especially somber Veteran's Day after the tragedy at Fort Hood. Let's keep all the victims, regardless of their religion, in our thoughts.

On Sunday I wrote a piece for today about Veteran's Day becoming No War Day...and I was so excited by the idea I published that day by accident.

Oh well, we all make mistakes....so here it is again...my first "rerun." 

Make Nov 11th NO WAR DAY

Fort Hood: "It would be a shame if our diversity becames a casualty as well"

(prejudice) x (indifference) = (>prejudice)

Here is a clip from George Casey, Jr. the Army chief of staff on CNN speaking about the Fort Hood tragedy. While I think he is in denial about there not already being prejudice against non-Christians in the army, I was happy to hear him decry targeting minorities because of the apparent mental breakdown of one man.

If the shooter had been a white man from Kentucky who went to a small Baptist church, religion would have almost NOTHING to do with this discussion (outside of comments on if he did or did not attend services). Sadly, because he is not a member of the dominant religion in our simmering melting pot, that is almost all we are talking about.

As I commented on the Huffington Post this morning, the consequence of prejudice against one group is prejudice against another group.

You Can't Have a Tug of War if You Put Down the Rope

(attacks) - (negative responses) = stupid and cheerful

I am becoming increasingly involved in on-line discussions about the myriad topics I address in my blog. I recently posted my blog about money and happiness on a "professional" discussion group to get opinions from others. I did get a number of thoughtful responses and some interesting pointers to follow up on. Then the next morning I found this in my inbox:

What a stupid question. With respect, you cannot seriously expect any therapist to agree with the proposition that increased income correlates with increased happiness...

 

Wow, what a nice way to start the day. I was ticked off at her tone and did what humans tend to do when attacked, I wanted to attack back. Then I calmed myself with a little square breathing and remembered that I should never write anything negative down (at least when it will be seen by anyone else).

So I wrote this reply:

Thanks for the "respectful" reply Sue [not her real name].

I did not suggest therapists were the target audience of my post. Read the first sentence. It is in response to a post on an unsigned career blog I recently read.

And I do not think this is an uncommon belief, that is why I wrote about it. I would venture to say that many of your clients are under the impression that a little more money would set them free. I know that here in one of the world's commerce capitols, almost all of mine do.

How did I do? That was after several heated attempts to remove the anger I felt. I would give myself a SIX on a scale of one to ten. I could have been a lot better. The main issue is the passive aggressive way I used the word respectful. But I was still angry and she had the gall to write "with respect," when there was absolutely no respect in her post...

So a few minutes later I asked her to join my network of friends:

Dear Sue,

I appreciate your thoughtful response to my blog post. I'd like to have you in my network of associates.

Happy November,

David Ezell

Much better, no? I'd give that a solid EIGHT, perhaps a NINE.

Dear readers, arguments and fights only erupt when we choose to play. We can control our response. As you can see, it is hard, but we can do it. Just breathe, use your brain and put down the rope.

How About Changing Veterans Day to No War Day?

(attempts) – (failures) = success

While exercising Sunday I caught Andy Rooney on the venerable 60 Minutes, someone who I have not seen on the air in years. He looks slightly different, sounds the same and  apparently still makes pretty convincing arguments.

His pitch this week was about Veterans Day. Rooney, a vet from World War II, had eight friends from his school class pass away in the last of the world wars and over sixty years later it seems he still feels pain at their death. His proposal was a simple one--change the 11th to No War Day.

I am results oriented and that is why I embrace science as a tool to determine what really works. As a scientist, and a historian, I can guarantee that war absolutely does not. No war in history has ever resolved anything without creating consequences that make more wars happen. Pain is transmitted and inherited via assaults and attacks. And while it may take generations or centuries to arise, retaliation in one form or another most certainly will.

One thing more. Mr. Rooney was roundly criticized on the CBS website for this  piece and I want to come to his defense. Many criticized him for dishonoring the memory of the dead. All I can think is if those men and women who did die for some patch of land in some war could speak for themselves, most would feel the same way. The eleventh can be a tribute to those who died and also a plea to make it a day we eventually will not have to celebrate ever again.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

Fort Hood Copy Cat?

The power of an event like this is multifaceted; sadly one common side effect is copy cat threats and sometimes, shootings. Apparently someone in Florida is on a rampage not unlike the one yesterday in Texas. How horrible for all involved...I hope this turns out to be a rumor or a hoax, but I am afraid that will not be the case.

Click here for the story

Vicarious Trauma at Fort Hood?

(talk of trauma) + (talk of trauma) + (talk of trauma) = vicarious trauma

In the media's scramble to understand the "whys" behind the Fort Hood tragedy, a great deal of discussion is being paid to the fact that the apparent shooter was a Muslim. While I am unsure of how, if in any way, his faith played a role in what happened, my thoughts go in a different direction. I wonder about the vicarious trauma that he must have faced counseling at the largest military installation in the U. S.

While more people are aware of how trauma effects humans than ever before, most don't understand the communicable consequences of this kind of trauma. Vicarious trauma is, per the Headington Institute, "the negative changes that happen to humanitarian workers over time as they witness other people’s suffering and need." While there are a variety of benefits to providing therapy this can be one of the darker aspects of the work of helping others.

Sitting and listening to patients day in and day out, especially in the pressure cooker environment of a major military base, full of veterans from two wars, has to be overwhelming. Combine that with how under staffed and under budgeted the military is with regard to mental health services and the fact that most men are loathe to talk about their feelings due to the stigma--wow! I am feeling overwhelmed thinking about the challenges men and women in military mental health must face.

Just two weeks ago Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates said that many military personnel fear a stigma if they seek help for psychological injuries. He openly criticized a government and military bureaucracy that is “frustrating, adversarial and unnecessarily complex." When the top man is that candid about the problem, it must be quite profound.

There are a variety of ways that vicarious trauma can be avoided and I want to know if any of those systems were in place, and how efficiently they were implemented, at Fort Hood. According to an excellent article from The Journal of Counseling & Development (email me for a pdf if you are interested) by Trippany, White and Wilcoxon, there are a variety of way that trauma of this sort can be kept at a minimum. Among the recommendations are keeping caseloads at a manageable level and providing therapy for therapists via peer supervision.

As this conversation continues, it will be interesting to see how those systems worked, and to what degree they did not, at Fort Hood.

Headington Institute

Gates comments on stigma

Just In! 89.8 % of Americans Working!

 (good news) + (bad news) = 360 View

The hard numbers just came in and they are not soft--it seems the unemployment rate is over ten per cent for the first in twenty-six years. This "soft" recovery is not too cushy for many Americans, but it does seem the tide is slowly turning...

However, things could be a great deal worse. The human instinct is to view bad news as "real" news but that is not an accurate world view.

One of our most common thinking errors is discounting the positive. Yes, unemployment is 10.2 per cent. However, employment is 89.8. When viewing the world in a realistic fashion, don't look at a half full glass or a half empty one either--use your mind to see both parts.

And keep plugging along dear friends...that is what we, as humans, do best.

Happy Friday!

Why Doesn't Supernanny Spank Those Rotten Kids?

(structure) + (love) + (praise) + (consistency) + (communication) = happy families

Over the years, either via Hulu or during a late-night workout,  I have seen ABC's program, Supernanny, on several occasions. It is a little one-note for me, with the same premise week after week but the ratings blockbuster keeps on rolling along (like so many others...).

For those of you who have not seen it, here is the outline of most, if not every, episode:

Jo, the titular character, is invited into some poor schmo's house that is overrun with awful kids. The children are everything adults dread--loud, ill-mannered, disrespectful, indolent. Jo observes, has a few meetings with the parents on a new behavioral method and then that method is applied. The kids raise hell, the parents almost waffle and then, in the end, Jo's method works! Another family saved.

Supernanny is a money machine with an apparently endless supply of bad families who need some nannizing. And Americans seem to love it as they watch those snotty unappreciative brats get their comeuppance from Ms. Jo.

So a question; why doesn't the nanny, a guru to millions of child beating Americans, ever spank those brats? After all, doesn't spanking work?

Could it be that she is a foreigner with snooty ways? Possibly but probably not. Is it because she is a socialist? No, but nice try.

The reason is that spanking does not work. Hitting a child to produce good behavior has never worked and it never will. I know, you were spanked. That is called anecdotal evidence and does not prove anything. Striking a child does nothing but make them sneakier and a bit afraid of the person who is, ironically, supposed to be protecting them.

Next time you watch Supernanny, look at the method she applies. She creates systems with incentives and focuses on praising and rewarding good behavior. And week after week after misbehaving week, her approach works.

Catch your kids doing something good. It will go a great deal farther and eventually create a better relationship between the two of you as well.

Can Being an Individual Put You at Incresed Risk for Depression?

 (culture) + (biology) = (depression)?

I just read a fascinating article about the complicated role a person's culture plays in their likelihood to be depressed.

I can tell you as one who lives as an iconoclast that such a life comes at great expense. There is a great cost for not conforming to group rules, and it makes sense that when a person is ostracized that she would be more likely to be depressed, anxious, or both.

Take a look at the article and tell me what you think. 

Happy Wednesday!

On the Outside Looking In

(no win situations) = trouble

The Maine decision has come and gone and voters have decided that not everyone in their fair state is equal. As has happened thirty times before, a targeted minority, homosexuals men and women, has been denied their civil rights by a state's electorate.

My whole life people have told me how bad the gay lifestyle is. Growing up I had it explained to me that because homos won't not settle down and have kids, they can "never understand being an adult." Since gays won't act like adults, the logic went, they are doomed to a life of loneliness and misery.

Happily as I grew into adulthood a different scenario came onto the scene--the gay marriage movement. "Wow," I thought, "this will be an opportunity for gay people to be what most people said could not be--real adults, with responsibilities to a spouse, children and a mortgage."

How foolish I was. For the same people who complained about queers tricking all night and not settling down WOULD NOT ALLOW HOMOS THE SIMPLE ABILITY TO DO SO. The had created a room with no windows and no doors. Queers were damned for not being "adult" and damned for wanting to be one.

No win situations can create anger, depression anxiety and a variety of other emotions as well. I wonder what the end result of denying a minority of tax-paying adults the right to marry will create in the long run?

Children Aren't Stupid--Are They?

(families) + (anxiety) = anxious children

I am surprised/shocked/stunned on a regular basis by parents who don't think their children are not aware of problems in their family.

"Oh he's just a baby" or "She's only four, she can't know" are common statements from parents and completely wrong. Children do not lose IQ points after birth; to the contrary, their ability to understand the world grows each day. From their brith infants are sponges that absorb, and retain, the intellectual and emotional information that surrounds them. As they used to say in the early days of IBM, "bad data in equals bad data out." If your child absorbs "bad data" from unhappy parents and other care takers, the results will most likely be far from ideal.

Parenting is very hard and the human desire to rationalize is strong. That said, families have to be aware that stress in caretakers is transmitted to the infants, toddlers and children within the family.

Read here to see more on prenatal anxiety. And work on managing your stress and keeping great relations with your family...you, and your children, will benefit.

H1N1 Vaccine: The Facts About the Flu

(facts) - (fear) = sound choices

I had a pretty wonderful piece on how to avoid arguing with someone all ready to go when, at the gym, I saw this 60 Minutes story on the H1N1 vaccine.

Being so tired of all the fear mongering going around about this vaccine, I thought I would share this with my readers. I pick the sources of my information with the greatest of care; CBS News in general, and 60 Minutes in particular, are reputable and generally respected by the general public. I think their record of public service and quality reporting speaks for itself.

That said, listen to the people CBS selected to tell this story. Making decisions based on facts as opposed to fear is always the better choice.


Watch CBS News Videos Online