Does Money Really Equal Happiness?

(work) + (love) = happiness

I just read a post that made me think.

In the post, the author (the piece is unsigned, which is a tad troubling) claimed that there is not a direct correlation between doing what you love and making more money.

That may be true. However, I do not think that is the issue. 

I find that belief is based on a faulty, and very American, assumption that a grande paycheck translates into mucho happiness. I can testify, at least at the anecdotal level (my own and my clients), that that is simply not true. I think job happiness equals life happiness--and if riches appear, that is gravy.

Behavioral psychology tell us people do what they want to do. Knowing this is true, that means that having a job that you like or love means you are more likely to work harder and succeed.

Which challenges the concept that money equals happiness. I think it can give one security, but it does not ensure happiness in any way. A person can have a job they hate, make a ton of cash, and be miserable every day all day long. Meanwhile that same person can barely get by, love their work and work long hours, and I am willing to bet they would rate themselves as being far more satisfied with their life. Based on scientific facts, I think the second scenario is much more likely to create a happy life.

So career-changers beware. Believing that BIG PAY = SMILES is a dangerous philosophy that my work tells me is simply not true.

Read the original post here.

Can You Fight the Flu with Exercise?

(strong mind) + (strong body) = healthy mody

New research from Iowa State seems to indicate that exercise can relieve flu-like symptoms and may even keep the flu at bay. One more of the many benefits exercise bestows on the active.

I have often struggled with exercising if/when I feel flu-like symptoms on the horizon. I have frequently shared the "neck rule" with my clients:

Neck Rule: Below-the-neck symptoms (bad fatigue, bronchial infection, muscle aches) require time off, while it’s OK to exercise with above-the-neck symptoms (runny nose, stuffiness, sneezing)—some cardio may even slightly improve those symptoms.

And this study seems to verify at least the above the neck part, and call the below the neck concept's validity. I think one has to be smart about exercise and listen to the body, but I have found in my personal and professional experience that exercise is more likely to help than hurt, sort of the physical version of chicken soup.

And this makes so much sense. Prior to1900, work meant long, hard days of activity, foraging and as civilization rose, long days of organized labor. The move to a sedentary life style was far too fast, at least by biological/evolutionary terms. We need activity in our daily lives...and this is one more illustration of why this is true.

See the results of the research here.

What Can You Do to Make Hard Talks Softer?

 (problems) + (communication) = solutions

It happens so frequently. Your feelings are hurt. Or there is not enough sex in your relationship. Or there is too much. Or the dishes are stacking up and you are tired of washing them. Or you just aren't feeling "it" anymore...

What to do? You have a choice:

CHOICE A: Hold it all in and wait to have an emotional outburst, or a heart attack. Your lover should be able to read your mind, right?

CHOICE B: Open your mouth and say what is on your mind.

Guess which option I favor?

But how do you talk about situations and problems that are sensitive or difficult?

Here are a few tips for having a conversation about anything hard as concrete feel a little more like marshmallows:

1. Don't tell him a few days ahead that, "we need to talk." Keep thy mouth closed until you are ready to talk. Once you say that phrase the talk has begun.

2. Talk during the day, not at night. Both of you will be tired and defensive. Saturday at noon is far superior to Saturday at midnight. Make an appointment to hang out and talk during that time.

3. Don't talk at home with the two of you alone. Take him for a walk outside or at the mall so the issue, no matter how sensitive, can be controlled.

3. If you are talking to a man, don't stare into his eyes. For most women that equals honesty. For men that frequently feels like confrontation.

4. Don't hem and haw. State your question and see what he says...

Do you have any other ideas on how to make "hard" talk softer? I'd love to hear them....

Please help make MODY a "Real" Word

(mind) + (body) = mody

The word I created to establish the mind and body as one entity—mody--has been accepted by the editors of the Urban Dictionary as a definition!

Can I ask a favor? Would you please click on this link, and if the link does not work cut 'n paste:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mody

Once you arrive, will you please click on the “thumbs up” next to my definition? Not the one about oversized clothes, but the other one, that states:  

The physical structure as well as the emotional and mental states of an animal, primarily human, but applying to other sentient beings as well.

Thanks and see you tomorrow!

Obama and I Agree :) The Flu is National Threat

 (healthy mind) + (healthy body) = healthy mody

Just a few minutes ago the president released the news that he believes the flu to be a "national emergency." I am happy to hear that he is committed to the spread of the flu. Congrats to our president for taking a stand and making it easier for at-risk populations to seek preventive care and treatment.

As posted on this blog last week, vaccination and information are two key allies in this fight. That said, there is one more preventive act that is easy, inexpensive and mandatory--hand washing.

Washing hands with warm soap and water, up to the wrists, is a crucial part of protecting yourself from bacteria that could harm you. As an added precaution, turn water off (don't leave it running) with a paper towel, your sleeve or some other object that keeps you from immediate contact with the faucet. Also, open the bathroom door with the same object, as it is most likely contaminated with a variety of bacteria that can spread influenza.

I know this may seem elementary--the president was mocked for discussing this earlier--but it is mandatory to stop the spread of the flu, in addition to a variety of other illnesses.

How Can You Find Friends?

 (leaving your house) + (pursuing your interests) = relationships

A friend of mine recently blogged about how he was to "Stop looking for friends (i'm sure they will come in due time)"

And that got me thinking about how similar friendships and love are. Both happen when they happen.  One can create circumstances to make it easier to find but ultimately fate holds controls the outcome of our actions.

I found my best friend when I found him. I did not seek out a best friend, I actually had one--but he arose in an unexpected circumstance and it just happened.

The same with love. You can put yourself on personals site and have some great pictures made. But it is still up to the fickle finger of fate if and when someone you can love finds you.

So what to do? Make the first move. Take the initiative. Get out there. Turn off the TV and the laptop and walk out the door. Immerse yourself in events and do for others. Resist going home and accept invitations when they come. No invitations? Invite someone to coffee or drinks or bowling or an antique show. Get out there and live...and the friends, and possibly even love, will follow.

Read Damien's blog here.

New Link Between Depression and Heart Disease?

 (mind) + (body) = mody

Apparently so...while this is a preliminary study, the research design and the results are impressive. More proof, as if we need any, that the mody is the new way to see ourselves.

Read about the research here.

What's the Number One Reason People Can't Make Changes Stick?

(change) - (one step) = status quo

'Tis the season to change. People are back from the beach, out of Mai Tai mix and realizing that whatever was wrong pre-tan line is still there post-tan. Regardless of if it is needing a career change, wanting to lose that final 20 pounds or conquering depression, the fall is the time when people reach out to me for help.

Based on my own experience and the experiences of my clients, I have the number one reason short-term change fails to translate into long-term success.

Drum roll please.......

They don't fully engage. I work wtih them to understand their problem and help them design a plan to create significant, and real change in their lives. They are on board for 80 or 90% of it but one key aspect of the plan, many times THE key aspect, keeps them from success.

Let me give you an example. Years ago a client came to me complaining of anxiety, insomnia and of a boyfriend she was "addicted" to. No matter how hard she tried, she could not shake him out of her life. I spent a few weeks learning about friends (very few or none) and family relationships (she had cut them off because they were critical of HIM). She had inherited a significant amount of money from her father's estate so she did not work. It seemed that for the most part she had taken on Rodney (a pseudonym) as her full time job.

She and I created a plan that engaged her in community service with a few key causes she was passionate about. In that way she could begin to build friendships with people who shared her interests. We also implemented a three day a week exercise plan, mostly made up of classes, so she would have a schedule to keep and other opportunities for friendship. The most important part of the plan regarded Rodney--we agreed she would write and tell him they needed a full year apart to see who she was--and who he was too. I was convinced that the year clear of Rodney would allow her to see him for what he was as opposed to the man she imagined him to be.

Almost immediately we began weekly check-ins to see where she was on her three goals. She excelled in her non-profit work and lost seven pounds in her first month working out. She had also weened herself from her anti-anxiety meds, replacing them with the square breathing exercises I had taught her when she felt anxious. Her sleep had also gotten better in that she was physically and mentally active, making her more tired at day's end. Last of all, she had not spoken to Rodney, who she missed greatly.; she realized why the break was important and was committed to sticking to her plan. All tolled, she had a real success on her hands.

However, a few weeks later month two proved to be harder; the anxiety outbreaks began to reappear and her exercise tapered off from three to two days a week. A few sessions later she said something about what Rodney was doing. I asked how she knew and she confessed that she had been texting with him for about three weeks. She claimed she did not think texting "counted," so we discussed the implications of any contact with a man who "did not seem to be good for her" (her words, not mine).

"It is so hard," she said, "we meant so much to each other for so long." I asked her if she thought it was a coincidence that her exercise had gone down and anxiety had risen--threatening her plan. She said no, and told me she would try harder.

Eventually all of her forward motion was derailed by her inability to take a year off from Rodney. Was the goal hard? Yes, I acknowledged that it was. However, I would say, and she agreed, that no matter how hard it was it was not as hard as the life she lived under Rodney's control.

She had asked me to help her create a transition plan and we did, an effective one at least at the start. However, it was her inability to be consistent that kept her from moving forward and making her life a better one.

Do you see any of my former client in you? Creating real change is so very hard. One way to ensure success is accepting the entire plan and trying it out. After all, what do you have to lose?

The Use of Imagination Reduces Physical Pain

 (mind) + (body) = MODY

More support for what I frequently blog about---there is no division between the mind and the body.

The mody is one entity and we can change the physical with the mental, and the reverse is true as well.


Read this report from recent research at UNC Chapel Hill; more evidence that we are what is in our mind.


Want to understand how your thoughts effect your body and your body effect your thoughts? Contact David Ezell for a complimentary consultation. 

Health Care is Not a Luxury

(healthy body) + (healthy mind) = healthy nation

I just heard a podcast which I think, at the end of the day, is as eloquent a statement about the problems we have with health care in this country as any I have heard.

It is from a woman fresh out of college who has no health care and cannot afford any. If anything happens to her, large or small, she either cannot access care or has to do so through an emergency room at a much higher cost for the hospital, her, and all of us.

The very concept that everyone does not have health care in a nation of our stature is a joke. I have little patience for politics and find the arguments exhausting. But the object of this blog is to discuss the side effects of living. And I think the side effects of not being able to access a GP, or a dentist, or a therapist (which by the way, is not being offered under any proposal), when you need one, are monumental.

Can we put politics and special interests aside and take care of our own? Doing so would, in effect, benefit each and every one of us with a more productive, and healthier, population. That is truly money well spent.

Listen to Molly Adams' podcast here.

Flu Facts and Flu Fiction

 (mind) + (body) = mody

Flu season is truly upon us. In the past 24 hours I have heard so many people claim to have the flu, or the cold, or some combination thereunto, that I lost track.

And I have found a very handy on tool that I wanted to share with my readers--it is called Flu.Gov. While I am usually cautious around sites such as this, on this site I automatically found two things I liked:

1. There is a link to vaccination information all over the country

2. There is a H1N1/Swine Flu evaluation tool

I know the 'net is full of anecdotal horror stories about one person's beliefs about immunization.

Folks, the flu vaccine is science, not religion.

Immunization saves lives (or in the case of the flu, makes living a lot easier). Vaccines are not something to believe in, they are a fact and they are effective. They work, they save lives--go get one, especially if you are at risk (parents, health providers, people at risk, etc.). I am on my way to have my shot this morning--regardless of if I like it, or not.

Have a great day!

Healthy Street Food in New York City

I talk to my clients about defensive eating with great regularity, as there are hidden traps in almost every meal you have.

Today let's consider one of my favs--street food. New York city is littered with food carts selling meals that average about five bucks, and a lot of calories, many twice what one meal should be for an average diet.

So how to make one of the cart meals congruent with fitness goals?

• NO FRIED FOOD--that means falafel, aka Arabic hush puppies, are a no-no. Street vendors love to stuff dishes with fried tidbits. Tell them no....and watch closely as many will try to sneak them in "for flavor."
• SAUCE--there is an overwhelming desire amongst street merchants to slide in sauces of all sorts. Whenever I ask what "that" is, they say "sauce." My advice--light on the sauce or no sauce at all.
• BROWN RICE--always ask about rice options in advance and never do white rice, which is the grain world's version of shredded lettuce. Golden rice may also be available and a good option.
• VEGGIES--some guys will have all sorts of toppings for your dish--tell them yes to everything, with a few exceptions. If you are being mindful of the calorie count, say no to cheese (I do) and black olives (I do most of the time).
  
• WHITE SAUCE--I know I just talked sauce. But this one, the most egregious of the street sauces, deserves its own bullet point. NO WHITE SAUCE. It is dairy based and packed, packed with calories.

So what do you eat Dave? I get chicken and rice with salad. I only get TWO scoops of rice, as a scoop is about one cup of rice, which equals 218 calories (or thereabouts). So an extra scoop can take your dish into the high calorie zone quickly. No sauce except for "hot sauce," which usually is vinegar or tomato based. I always say no to the previously mentioned white sauce and also barbecue, which can have lots of hidden calories as well. Total calories? About 665, but that is a rough estimate as one cart's calories can vary vastly from another.

What do you do if they won't listen to me or can't understand my questions, instructions or pleas for help? As Dionne Warwick sang so long ago, "Walk on By," there is another one a block away...and you'll get a little extra exercise in to boot.

Bon apetit mes amis.

What Do You Get From Exercising JUST ONE TIME?

I have felt this oh so many times before, nice to see it proven...the very act of exercising can make you feel better about your body.

Forbes Article Promotes a Racist and Sexist Agenda

I was not planning on blogging today but after innocently turning on my Mac I saw a story on Yahoo! via Forbes Magazine about commonalities among billionaires. So I clicked to see what they were. The article is one of those cream puff pieces that sites like Yahoo! adore--lots of sizzle--no protein.

I was not surprised by what I saw, at least at first. The financial leaders were mostly Ivy League, had usually worked in finance, a great many had suffered some sort of financial failure, yadda yadda. But slowly I was stunned by what was NOT there. The two most overwhelming common traits is that almost all of them, perhaps every one, is white and male. But those two facts are not mentioned, nor even hinted at in the piece. 

• parents good at math?       crucial
• fact they have XY chrmosones?     trivial
• born in the fall?     crucial
• have European ancestors?     trivial
  

Look at the picture above--it is the lead picture for the store. By all appearances, that Anglo child is male, donning the culturally significant blue jumper. So even though their picture, most probably selected by a photo editor, explains the story's raison d'etre, not a peep about these key facts appear in the story.     

White males continue to rule the world; those white men who don't admit to that power differential are actively taking part in the continued oppression of all outside of that elite class.       

By the way, I looked up the author of the piece, one Duncan Greenberg. Guess where the author falls on the gender/ethnicity grid?    

(lack of acknowledging the playing field is not level) = maintaining the status quo

How Do Doctors Make Decisions?

Beyond that, how do any of us make decisions? I think this amazing story by Alix Spiegel from All Things Considered reveals a great deal about how we make the choices we make. Not just doctors, but all of us.

I will write more about the meta and micro implications of this story and the research behind it but wanted to share it now.

Read it, take a listen, or both--and have a fabulous Friday!

Anticipating Behavior vs. Predicting the Future

I knew my godson was going to do what I had just told him not to do. The then 3-year-old boy held his body differently, he walked faster and his little hand, which usually hung at his side or held a truck or plastic hammer, was clenched tightly. He raced by and did not even acknowledge me, something I had never seen before.

What did I think he was up to? I had just told him he could not have any cookies. It was less than thirty minutes before dinner and he had no business eating anything with a chocolate chip baked inside.

Sure enough, within 20 second I heard the “clink” of the cookie jar lid as he attempted to place it quietly back in place. But, I let him slide. He was, all things considered, a great kid who usually followed rules and worked hard to behave as well as a little boy could.

Why am I talking about a cookie swiped when Bill Clinton was still in the White House? I wanted an example of how we can use our experience with a person to note something is out of order. He walked differently; he held his hand in an atypical fashion. And he did not look me in the eye. Tada, I knew he was going to swipe a Chips-Ahoy!

That is not fortune telling. It was based on observations of past behaviors and compared to present action. When comparing all my prior observations to what I saw I knew something was afoot. And since we had just had a cookie talk, my best guest was a pretty solid one.

Many times we know someone well and if we pay attention, we can sense change is in the air. They may dress differently, sit on the couch with a different posture or smell better (or worse). That is how impressions are formed and suspicions are raised.

But anticipation will only take us so far. We cannot predict the future, which is a very different concept. With fortune telling, a person attempts to predict the outcome of investments, dates or job interviews. I have a client who frequently attempts to tell me if he was hired or not based on the interviewers behavior. But see the problem? He has an N of 0. The observations he is making in the interview are the only ones he has. So he sees someone sitting upright and smiling as a cue that he will be filling out W-2s next week.

We cannot tell the future but we can note changes in the folks who inhabit our world. Recognizing the difference will make your life infinitely easier and maybe give you an advantage over someone trying to mislead you or cause you harm.

(experience) x (statistics) + (a hungry little boy) = we can anticipate behavior

(Aaron Beck) + (statistics) = we can’t predict the future

Lowering Your Anxiety Without Medication

 
(mind) + (body) = mody


We are all a product of our ancestors and since that is true, we inherited a variety of wonderful, and some less than wonderful traits that do not play so well in the 21^st century.  On of those is our response to stress. In ancient times, and in some cases today, our instinctual desire to fight or run away comes in handy (ever cross paths with a grizzly bear?). But most times these responses won’t work at the office or in an airplane on the tarmac. So understanding how you can naturally change the amount of oxygen in your bloodstream is an important tool in managing your anxiety. 

We breathe, on average, twelve to fourteen times per minute; a slight change in respiration, say two additional breaths per minute, can drastically change the oxygen content of your blood. And that increased oxygen send signals to your body that something is wrong. As a result a variety of symptoms may occur—faster heart beat, a feeling of being cool or hot, tingling feelings, Goosebumps or a feeling of dread.

To counteract these symptoms, we have to take control of something we normally do not—the rhythm of our breath. One method is placing a paper sack over one’s mouth. In doing so, we breathe in our own carbon dioxide and lessen the oxygen we take in.

However, the bag may not be handy or may be a tad obvious during a job interview or having dinner at the in-laws. And that is where square breathing comes in handy.

It is called square breathing because it is four sided and each side is the length of the other three.

1.   Breathe in to a count of four;

2.   Hold that breath for a four count;

3.   Exhale for the same count;

4.   Then hold off from breathing for one more count of four.

Do this over and over. It may be difficult at first but in a few moments you will begin to feel the benefit. The oxygen will level off and the symptoms, as well as the feelings will subside as a result. Over time, as you get more proficient, extend the count to six or seven, just as long as it feels comfortable for you.

Who would have thought being square would be so cool?

"We All Pay for Sex"

Woody Allen pithily made that remark years ago and the minute I heard it I knew it was true. We all pay for access to the mate we want, regardless of if that pay comes in roses (or "roses"), hours at the gym, an expensive haircut or a job that pays big bucks.

Based on a discovery earlier this week, it seems science has confirmed the fact that this has always been the case. Anthropologists have discovered a possible human ancestor that, if their hypothesis holds, is our oldest identified relative.

One of the things that sets this female, nick-named Ardi, from other homonids is the size of her canine teeth. They are small, like ours, which is quite different from our ape cousins who used big teeth for fighting. The theory is that smaller teeth indicates there was not a need to fight to get what they wanted. Through evolution they lost the large canines in favor of the ability to barter.

"So females are picking males that are using some other technique to obtain reproductive success, and that technique is probably exchanging food for copulation," Frank Lovejoy, one the leaders of the team who found her, said.

So the Woodman was right...and like any truth, it holds up 6 million years ago, as it does today.

(Woody Allen) + (Charles Darwin) x (Behavioral Psychology) + (Ardi) = we all pay for sex

Unemployment Numbers Are In!

90.2% of Americans have jobs! A great thought, but not what is focused on by most people.

Humans discount the positive, it is one of our primary thinking errors. I am not denying the 9.8 % who don't have jobs...but I don't think that is the entire story. When we use our intellect to have a 360 degree view of the world, a more nuanced picture of the world emerges.

Some don't have work and most do...let's hope that trend grows...

Have a great weekend!

(unemployment numbers) + (360 view) = 90.2% Employment

When Do Instincts Work?

I was having lunch with a brilliant friend of mine yesterday and we were talking about how some people don’t trust their instincts.

Humans lived in small clans for hundreds of thousands of years. Over that time those who survived did so, to some extent, because of instinct. Instinct guided us through hard times and difficult situations. Anyone who is alive today has inherited a set of instincts that has the capacity to serve us well in certain circumstances.

Instinct is not always right however. A great deal of my work with clients and groups focuses on learning how to differentiate between instinct and accurate thinking. Our instincts have been honed over hundreds of thousands of years and the world has the potential to change in a day, or even a moment. Unlike squirrels or cows or cats, our greater intellectual capacity allows us to look beyond instinct and recognize cases where our desire has to be countered with clear thinking.

What are cases where instinct serves us well? Any ideas?

If you’d like some help deciding which instincts to trust, drop me a line. so we can set up a complimentary session. I love working with individuals who are ready to create change. in their lives. Often this can be done in just a few short sessions.--just email me at david@betterthanever.info