Paper Work

There is a single phrase that, once I hear it, I know a relationship is doomed.

It has a variety of introductory phrases such as "I don't know what went wrong since we..." or "If you had asked my friends, they all would have said..." But the give away is the phrase itself.

"We looked good on paper."

That is it. Done. The relationship is dead.

I think the reason may be that, once we meet someone and make that initial "aha" connection, we then start thinking about the future. How will my family like him? What will my friends say? What will our kids be like? And slowly we build an imaginary blueprint of who we will be and how it will look. We create a future based on presumptions and assumptions and then build more on top of those. And all this fortune telling makes us slowly begin to think that not only can this work but that it has to work. It looks good on paper.

He has a great job. His teeth are so pretty. His parents love me so much. It looks so good on paper. And the more we say it, the more we try to force that really square peg into a perfectly rounded hole, the more we think anything other than complete happiness equals utter failure.

Don't do this with your relationships. Quit thinking twenty years down the road and imagining baby names. Be in the moment and keep your eyes open for those bright red flags that inevitably will be planted. And each time you see one ask yourself, is this a deal breaker? Is being with him worth putting up with this?

Be realistic. Enjoy yourself. And quit thinking about paper work.

David Ezell will have two speaking engagements this upcoming week! On Monday March 2nd will be No More Disappearing Dates! for Moxie in the City. And Tuesday the 3rd he will be How Can I Control Someone Else? for the Building Better Relationships Meet Up Group.

© David Ezell 2009
All Rights Reserved