Stoopid Cupid

We are a mere eight days from the darkest day of the year, at least for single folk, St. Valentine's Day.

And, as all holidays do, it reminds singletons that they are, in fact, not dating anyone. Owww! It is a discriminatory holiday as it focuses on being in love with someone else. Black and white thinking at its best--I either have a valentine or I don't. But unlike most cases in life this truly is BLACK or WHITE. Like being pregnant, you either are with a valentine or you aren't. Yuck.

What is it about holidays that makes us so sensitive? It's called an anniversary reaction (AR)--that is when holidays elicit an emotion or a reaction from us. ARs occur at a subconscious level and that is what makes people unaware of, or unwilling to acknowledge, their existence. On holidays we have a mental picture of where we should be and who we should be with. Don't believe me? Then play this simple Anniversary Reaction Game:

Close your eyes (wait, don't do that, you won't be able to continue reading)...okay, keep your eyes open and when you read the following, what is the first image that comes to mind?

FOURTH OF JULY

Did you see yourself outside, maybe watching fireworks or eating? For most of you, something like that happened. I am willing to bet that regardless of the activity, you were not alone. There were people around...right? Your whole life images of fun and fireworks have shaped your vision of what the 4th should be. And if that vision does not look life reality, it can be very disappointing.

Let's try it again:

THANKSGIVING

I am willing to bet my tiny apartment that you saw a Norman Rockwell painting or some variation thereunto. A group of people, a family, gathered around a big steaming mound of tofu or turkey or whatever your family, vegan or carnivore, consumes. So you get the idea; we have been culturally programed to believe we should be somewhere with some person, or group, on specific days.

So what to do? First, believe that you will have an AR on Valentines or other significant dates. When people come to me after the fact and tell me how depressed they were, I find that they were in denial that it could happen. Are you single and facing 14 February without a date? Get thee to a funnery. Find something fun to do and go do it. You don't have to spend a great deal or money or go stand in a bar by yourself...but go do something fun for you. It will help keep your AR at bay.

And second, use this time to think about what it is about this situation that needs to change. Use the promise of next year's VD (Valentine's Day--kind of ironic it has the same initials as the other VD) to set a goal for yourself. Valentine's Day 2010 I won't be single. Take the year to examine yourself and work on the parts of you that need to be fined tuned. Resolutions aren't just about 1 January. They can be applied wherever you see the need for change.

David Ezell will be having his annual Valentine's workshop for Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual folk at the Jewish Community Center in Manhattan in a few weeks on Writing an Irresistible Online Profile. Regardless of if you are Jewish or not, this will be a great fun with a lot of hot single men and women.

© David Ezell 2009
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