Don't Tell Someone Something They Already Know

advice - solicitation = DANGER

There is a really lovely young woman at a business I frequent who has awful skin. I am not sure what exactly is going on--I luckily never had bad skin growing up. But in her case it is rather severe and I'm sure causes her a great deal of insecurity. 

We talk a lot as I see her most days and today I almost (stupidly) asked her what she was doing to treat her condition. 

Luckily, I did not. 

It's a human impulse, and a puritanical instinct, to want to "help" and I dealt with my thoughts in the appropriate fashion--I considered it and did not say a word. 

Take it from someone who gets paid to make observations about people--it's a tough business. We all live in the land of the mirror and I am sure she realizes her skin issues has social, as well as personal, implications. She may be actively suffering from it daily or may not care--I don't know and I'm not going to inquire. My reaction to her face is my issue--not hers. I kept my mouth shut. If she wants advice, opinions or strategies on skin care I will do all I can to help. But she a'int asking so I'm not telling. 

The next time you have a similar desire to talk to someone about their weight, or their girlfriend, or their finances, ask yourself "do they know this already?" If the answer is "yes," or even "probably," I suggest you keep your mouth shut.

Not that you asked my opinion..... :)

Should We Stop Checking for Prostate Cancer?

I just read in the New York Times that the US Preventive Services Task Force is suggesting the general population no longer have prostate cancer screenings. They say the detection of potential cancer has led to an enormous amount of unneeded treatment and life-long side effects.

I work with people living with cancer and host a support group for men living with prostate cancer. I am curious to hear from men who feel they may have been treated unnecessarily as I am familiar with the potential for detrimental long-term side effects. I can only imagine how I would feel if I had had the surgery and then read this report. 

Science grows via analysis and "facts" change over time. I suppose the next step is enhancing the ability to differentiate between growths that are deadly and those that can be left alone for decades. I wish this had been recognized years ago.

My Letter from President Obama

On 28 January 2009 I wrote a letter to the then-new President Barack Obama asking him why he was a bigot. 


Today I am happy to say that I finally got an answer. I received a mass e-mail from his political campaign that said the following:


David --

Today, I was asked a direct question and gave a direct answer:

I believe that same-sex couples should be allowed to marry...

I've always believed that gay and lesbian Americans should be treated fairly and equally. I was reluctant to use the term marriage because of the very powerful traditions it evokes. And I thought civil union laws that conferred legal rights upon gay and lesbian couples were a solution.


But over the course of several years I've talked to friends and family about this. I've thought about members of my staff in long-term, committed, same-sex relationships who are raising kids together. Through our efforts to end the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, I've gotten to know some of the gay and lesbian troops who are serving our country with honor and distinction.

What I've come to realize is that for loving, same-sex couples, the denial of marriage equality means that, in their eyes and the eyes of their children, they are still considered less than full citizens.

Even at my own dinner table, when I look at Sasha and Malia, who have friends whose parents are same-sex couples, I know it wouldn't dawn on them that their friends' parents should be treated differently.

So I decided it was time to affirm my personal belief that same-sex couples should be allowed to marry.


A little over three years later I got the answer to my letter that I frankly did not think I would ever receive. 


I have to say thank you President Obama for being courageous enough to stand up for all American citizens. Thank-you sir, thank-you. 

Life is About Transitions

I have spent most of my professional, not to mention personal, life helping people transition from one state to another. It's something I enjoy doing and never seem to tire of.

Now I am going through a transition myself having moved to a new city full of strangers, and I have to remind myself that this is the normal state of life. We humans have a desire to deny that, to imagine change is unnatural. We are homeostatic creatures and need things to stand still--or at least appear to be that way.

However, change is really the fabric of living. Coming together, drifting apart, acceptance, denial, attempts, failures, successes, graduation, birth and marriage and death--it's all the fabric of life.

So if you are struggling today with a change you are facing, take comfort as you are not alone. I'm doing it and so can you. Good luck!

This is the End...

As most of you know, in a few hours a group of religious extremists believe the world will be coming to an end.

I'm typing this as I teach a history of technology class at the City University of New York (don't worry, my students are working on essays about technology and terrorism). Perhaps my study of technology is peppering my emotions on this muggy day but I'm not that scared. I think that if they are right and I wrong, it will happen regardless of my worrying about it. I'm resigned to the possibility, a strong one, that sometime in my lifetime the "world," at least with humans in it, will "end." Perhaps with a bang and perhaps with a whimper.

The bang part is something all of us live with--nuclear weapons. I have never had a moment of consciousness that has not been underlined by the thought that a nuke could blow me, and everyone I love, away. The world is filled with nukes, state-sponsored and a few otherwise, and the likelihood that one of them goes off deliberately or accidentally is high.

The whimper part is also of our own making. We live in a world where, regardless of if naysayers like it, the climate is changing. It's warmer in places and colder in places, but its changing. There is a high degree of moisture in the air and meteorologists are losing sleep posting and revising weather charts that don't seem to be getting it right. What will that mean for us in the long haul? Rising tides, crops that are frozen or blown away by no rain. The careful balance that keeps us alive--water, temperature, the earth beneath our feet--is slowly degrading and we will pay the price.

So regardless of it's at 6 pm local, or 2030, or later on, it most likely will happen. And unless we do something about it I'm not sure how this will end. I don't think it will be today. But unless we do something about the bang and/or the whimper, I think it will be sooner as opposed to later.

The photo is courtesy of New York artist Farrish Carter. You can see his blog here.

A Variety of Valentine's Day Cards

Here are a variety of Valentine's cards--antique cards, new cards, all sorts--with no comment. Let's let the speak for themselves--and happy Valentine's Day!

Democracy is a Lake, Even in Arid Egypt

Experience + Time + Personality = Government

I'm borrowing the wise words of sociologist Charles Tilly to illustrate the concept that democracy is a reflection of its citizens. All governments look like the people that founded it and the experience of getting what they want Governments are created by humans and like humans, are shaped by the good as well as the traumatic incidents they have experienced during their lives. 

So what will democracy in Egypt look like? Who knows, if it will ever comes at all. The oppressed masses may not have the ability to create a representative government.  Only time will tell. 

A few things I do know--

The new Egypt won't occur overnight, even if Mubarak resigns today. Any student of revolution, regardless of the country or period, knows citizens do not flip a switch to create a government, democratic or otherwise. 

Second, the path getting there will most likely be treacherous. Factions will rise, fall and come together with alarming speed. In doing so far right and even some left voices will compete to be heard. The group that convinces the masses that it will put food on their tables and bring security to their homes will succeed. 

In short, buckle your seat belts and let's all hope for the best.