Losing Twelve Pounds the Hard Way

Over the past few weeks I found out my diagnostic skills, at least on myself, need a little work. An overlooked appendix almost killed me and made me more grateful than ever for becoming fit later in life. 

A few weeks ago, after a full day of work, gym and even a date (during which I felt zero pain—hormones are amazing), I decided to admit myself to an emergency room in Midtown Manhattan for what I thought was “food poisoning.” Since about 3 PM I had been having bouts of extreme pain around my abdomen, something that had happened a few times across the past six months. At 10:30 I had had enough and made myself get dressed and head to a local ER. Almost from the start, the intern thought it was my appendix. I told him “no, no, I have ruled out appendicitis.” A few CAT scans and a lot of moaning later, I got the word—I was not going home—I had to have an appendectomy STAT. About 18 hours later I was consulting with a surgeon and a few hours after that awoke to find myself one bloated appendix lighter. 

Very few of my clients ever follow my orders for care, and as a result I am an ideal patient. Despite my rigid adherence to all of my recovery rules,  the past few weeks afterwords have been up and down. I will have a good day or two, hop back into work and then hit a wall. My recovery is slower than I would like but it sure beats the alternative. So my workouts, with the exception of a few runs and a modified weight routine, are not taking place. So much for a six pack by my birthday. 

Happily, my weight has stabilized and actually declined over the past month. I weighed myself the morning of January 8th and was 220 pounds. I had a heavy weight day and running the day before and weight lifting typically increases my body weight the day after a hard workout. That night I was admitted to the ER and missed my 5 am weigh-ins until the 12th, four days later. I had been weighing myself daily for so long I did not know what to expect when I hit the scales that Friday. My weight was up—223.6. 

An M.D. friend of mine had told me that I would see a rapid decline in weight as my recovery continued and he was right. For most of the next week I lost at least a pound and sometimes two pounds a day. Not working out, consuming 1900 calories and 200+ grams of protein daily but the weight dropped and dropped even more. I had a few workout days and those are the days you see weight increases. But on the whole the past thirty days has been amazing, with my weight on February 3rd (212.6) being the lightest weight I have ever been.  

If you look at the chart, you can see I was actually the 

lightest I have ever been as an adult on February 3rd

Thursday morning before I left the hospital, one of the residents was looking at my incisions and was amazed at how well I was doing. He praised me, say that the only reason my recovery was so rapid was that I came to the hospital in “tip-top shape.” Those words have been echoing in my head ever sense—tip-top shape. It’s hard for a former fatty to digest the idea (pun intended) that I am no longer who I have been my entire life. Despite the amazing daily weigh-ins and the slim-fitted suits and the “likes” and “winks” I get on dating apps, a part of me still sees a fat guy where one used to be. That resident’s comment, said in passing as he continued his rounds, gave me one more reason to stay the course. 

Being in control of my eating puts me in control of my life. 

David Ezell is a life coach and therapist, with clients in Connecticut, New York and around the world via the Internet. If you want to make a change for the best, make an appointment for a consultation by writing him at Info@DavidEzell.com or calling 347.302.2585. 

81 pounds down!

I’m delighted to say yesterday’s prediction of moving into the teens happened, even better than expected. Now the next step….

This morning I woke up a bit early and laid in bed, meditated, napped a bit more and then hit the scales. I was strangely anxious and really needed to see good news. I heard the “beep!” and looked down to see this glowing up at me: 

Needless to say, I was delighted. I was hoping for 219.9, so this is damn solid. I hopped off the scale, took the above picture and celebrated with my Starbucks cheat drink, a Masala Chai (70 calories) and my favorite protein bar, Stronger with caramel pretzel (300 calories, 25 grams of protein). 

I looked at my stats and realized this weight had not only moved me into the teens but made we only 20 pounds shy of my goal, 101 pounds lost. It’s been an amazing year for me and I’m stoked about finding what the next 20 pounds off will have to offer. 

I’ve gotten so much great response from writing about my journey — a woman stopped me outside Equinox and said she and her husband were pulling for me; a man at church tapped me on the shoulder and offered his support; and several of the phone calls we have gotten at our amazing mental health practice, Darien Wellness, over the past month have been inquiries about how people can work with me as a coach. It’s always a surprise and I am so grateful for the kind words and expressions of support. 

I actually already have a waiting list for clients in Connecticut (pleasant problem) so I have been thinking about a way I can help people keep weight off for life. I’m in the process of putting a plan together, and I still have some details to iron out. But once I have it all set up I’ll announce it here and across the web. 

Okay, I’m off to start the day — aerobics, writing, meetings and more — have a wonderful Friday! 

Life is About Transitions

I have spent most of my professional, not to mention personal, life helping people transition from one state to another. It's something I enjoy doing and never seem to tire of.

Now I am going through a transition myself having moved to a new city full of strangers, and I have to remind myself that this is the normal state of life. We humans have a desire to deny that, to imagine change is unnatural. We are homeostatic creatures and need things to stand still--or at least appear to be that way.

However, change is really the fabric of living. Coming together, drifting apart, acceptance, denial, attempts, failures, successes, graduation, birth and marriage and death--it's all the fabric of life.

So if you are struggling today with a change you are facing, take comfort as you are not alone. I'm doing it and so can you. Good luck!

How to Create Effective New Years Resolutions

Definable Goals = Success

I'm a big believer in resolutions and think New Years Day is a wonderful date to begin. If you are interested in creating a change in your life I'm going to share a few pointers to help make the transition as easy as it can be.

The first step is to create a resolution that can be easily measured. Instead of making some sort of global statement such as, "I want to be happy," create a goal that can be monitored and measured to see the change take place.

In preparation for this entry I did a little reading and found a list of the ten most common resolutions. Some were great--clearly defined and discrete--and others, well, not so much.

One great example is number four on the list, "I want to quit smoking. That is a very clear and really easy goal to measure. Simply quit smoking. If you go three days and then put one in your mouth, you have had three days of success. The next day give it another go and see how many days you can continue without smoking. This is a goal that is nice, simple and to the point.

What's an example of a bad goal? How about number five, "enjoy life more?" What does that mean? How can you measure "enjoying life?"

The spirit of the goal is wonderful--who wouldn't like to enjoy life more? But if you want that to be a goal, that is not the way to get there. You need to list specific activities that you enjoy and then determine how frequently--daily, weekly or monthly--you want that to occur.

For example, if you like going to art galleries, pick one day a week and go to a gallery. This still relates to enjoying life but now it has a real goal connected to it. Did you go to an art gallery last week? If so, you met your goal and should be one step closer to having a happier life. If not, find out what is keeping you from getting there and give it another shot. Congrats!

In a day or two we'll talk about the next step in the process--creating realistic goals.

Happy New Years!

P.S. To see the complete list of top ten goals click here

Dietary Trap: Juice

(behavior) / (observation) = change

I was spending a pleasant weekend with a friend when he asked me a question that I had no answer to:

"Do you have any juice to drink?"

Not what you expected, I imagine, but it was shocking to me. Because over the past decade or so I have analyzed every dietary habit I have. I want to know how things are prepared, what is in them and what the caloric consequences are for everything I eat and drink. And one of the many changes I went through in that process was eliminating every beverage that has anything more than a calorie or two per serving.

The reason is that those calories are easy calories to absorb and are typically undetected by the body. In other words, they don't help satiation. A person can sit down and drink a Coca-Cola or Snapple and in the process, intake a few hundred calories without even thinking about it. And one of the goals of having a healthy mody is thinking about the total number of daily calories consumed.

Which takes me back to juice. I think juice is one of the cruelest caloric jokes ever played on the American people. It is packed with calories--8 ounces of orange juice has 122 calories, 17 more than Coke--and an inordinate amount of sugar (over 29 grams). Beyond that, it has no content--you can  swallow it in less than a minute and be done with it. Your stomach, looking for solid material to digest and process, barely registers juice.

So juice is a decided no-no for those of you working on weight issues. No fiber, tons of calories and sugar and not satisfying. Want the benefits of OJ? Eat an orange. Eat two. Forget the propaganda of the past fifty years. Juice is not that good for you.

David Ezell will be giving a free talk on changing your mind and body--your mody--Thursday evening at 7 PM as part of the TRS Professional Suites free speakers series. He will be speaking at 44 E. 32nd Street, 11th floor at 7 pm sharp. Seating is limited so please come early. 

Why Doesn't Supernanny Spank Those Rotten Kids?

(structure) + (love) + (praise) + (consistency) + (communication) = happy families

Over the years, either via Hulu or during a late-night workout,  I have seen ABC's program, Supernanny, on several occasions. It is a little one-note for me, with the same premise week after week but the ratings blockbuster keeps on rolling along (like so many others...).

For those of you who have not seen it, here is the outline of most, if not every, episode:

Jo, the titular character, is invited into some poor schmo's house that is overrun with awful kids. The children are everything adults dread--loud, ill-mannered, disrespectful, indolent. Jo observes, has a few meetings with the parents on a new behavioral method and then that method is applied. The kids raise hell, the parents almost waffle and then, in the end, Jo's method works! Another family saved.

Supernanny is a money machine with an apparently endless supply of bad families who need some nannizing. And Americans seem to love it as they watch those snotty unappreciative brats get their comeuppance from Ms. Jo.

So a question; why doesn't the nanny, a guru to millions of child beating Americans, ever spank those brats? After all, doesn't spanking work?

Could it be that she is a foreigner with snooty ways? Possibly but probably not. Is it because she is a socialist? No, but nice try.

The reason is that spanking does not work. Hitting a child to produce good behavior has never worked and it never will. I know, you were spanked. That is called anecdotal evidence and does not prove anything. Striking a child does nothing but make them sneakier and a bit afraid of the person who is, ironically, supposed to be protecting them.

Next time you watch Supernanny, look at the method she applies. She creates systems with incentives and focuses on praising and rewarding good behavior. And week after week after misbehaving week, her approach works.

Catch your kids doing something good. It will go a great deal farther and eventually create a better relationship between the two of you as well.

What's the Number One Reason People Can't Make Changes Stick?

(change) - (one step) = status quo

'Tis the season to change. People are back from the beach, out of Mai Tai mix and realizing that whatever was wrong pre-tan line is still there post-tan. Regardless of if it is needing a career change, wanting to lose that final 20 pounds or conquering depression, the fall is the time when people reach out to me for help.

Based on my own experience and the experiences of my clients, I have the number one reason short-term change fails to translate into long-term success.

Drum roll please.......

They don't fully engage. I work wtih them to understand their problem and help them design a plan to create significant, and real change in their lives. They are on board for 80 or 90% of it but one key aspect of the plan, many times THE key aspect, keeps them from success.

Let me give you an example. Years ago a client came to me complaining of anxiety, insomnia and of a boyfriend she was "addicted" to. No matter how hard she tried, she could not shake him out of her life. I spent a few weeks learning about friends (very few or none) and family relationships (she had cut them off because they were critical of HIM). She had inherited a significant amount of money from her father's estate so she did not work. It seemed that for the most part she had taken on Rodney (a pseudonym) as her full time job.

She and I created a plan that engaged her in community service with a few key causes she was passionate about. In that way she could begin to build friendships with people who shared her interests. We also implemented a three day a week exercise plan, mostly made up of classes, so she would have a schedule to keep and other opportunities for friendship. The most important part of the plan regarded Rodney--we agreed she would write and tell him they needed a full year apart to see who she was--and who he was too. I was convinced that the year clear of Rodney would allow her to see him for what he was as opposed to the man she imagined him to be.

Almost immediately we began weekly check-ins to see where she was on her three goals. She excelled in her non-profit work and lost seven pounds in her first month working out. She had also weened herself from her anti-anxiety meds, replacing them with the square breathing exercises I had taught her when she felt anxious. Her sleep had also gotten better in that she was physically and mentally active, making her more tired at day's end. Last of all, she had not spoken to Rodney, who she missed greatly.; she realized why the break was important and was committed to sticking to her plan. All tolled, she had a real success on her hands.

However, a few weeks later month two proved to be harder; the anxiety outbreaks began to reappear and her exercise tapered off from three to two days a week. A few sessions later she said something about what Rodney was doing. I asked how she knew and she confessed that she had been texting with him for about three weeks. She claimed she did not think texting "counted," so we discussed the implications of any contact with a man who "did not seem to be good for her" (her words, not mine).

"It is so hard," she said, "we meant so much to each other for so long." I asked her if she thought it was a coincidence that her exercise had gone down and anxiety had risen--threatening her plan. She said no, and told me she would try harder.

Eventually all of her forward motion was derailed by her inability to take a year off from Rodney. Was the goal hard? Yes, I acknowledged that it was. However, I would say, and she agreed, that no matter how hard it was it was not as hard as the life she lived under Rodney's control.

She had asked me to help her create a transition plan and we did, an effective one at least at the start. However, it was her inability to be consistent that kept her from moving forward and making her life a better one.

Do you see any of my former client in you? Creating real change is so very hard. One way to ensure success is accepting the entire plan and trying it out. After all, what do you have to lose?

What Do You Get From Exercising JUST ONE TIME?

I have felt this oh so many times before, nice to see it proven...the very act of exercising can make you feel better about your body.

Changing Your Mind About Change

Change is really hard. If someone tells you it is not, I suggest you compliment them on the color they are wearing and ask them how work is going. Don’t believe them. Change is really hard.

And happily, my job is to help people move from one state of being to another.--to move from who they are to who they want to be. And in the words of one of my mentors, that process is simple. Not easy, but simple. And accepting that real change--significant transitions--are hard to achieve is many times the first step in the journey.

By acknowledging change is hard, your feeling about the tasks at hand will begin to alter. No need to beat yourself up because you didn’t magically transform in a week, or six weeks, or a year. Recognize that change is made of many steps, pick a discrete step and see what happens. If you complete the task…congrats! Give yourself a reward. And if you don’t, analyze what kept you from following through, learn from the mistakes and do it again. The past is only valuable in that we can learn from our errors and improve our performance.

So what do you want to do? Is it reasonable? Is it measureable? If so, start today!

David Ezell is offering free introductory classes for people who want to transition their relationships, their bodies or their ability to manage depression and anxiety holistically. Just click the link and register, as space is VERY LIMITED.

Take a RISK!

The other day a phrase came to me from Virgil, the Roman historian:

"Fortes fortuna adiuvat"

Translated, that means fortune favors the bold.

That phrase stands the test of time--be bold, what in the hell have you got to lose sitting on the sidelines?

I know a woman who has never asked a man out on a date because that is "not what ladies do." She always sits by the phone, thinking that by doing so she is not behaving like "a lady." And that scenario is making her miserable. Out of obligation to tradition, she is making herself miserable.

Since this is a family blog I won't say the one word that is 8-letters long, starts with a "b" and ends with "t." I have challenged her to stop doing the same behavior she is complaining about. If she meets a man she would like to go out with, forget The Rules and pick up the phone.

What would happen if she asked a man out?

1. She won't like him;
2. She will like him:
3. He will like her:
4. He won't like her;
5. They will both like each other;
6. They will both not like each other;
7. He won't show up...
8. Or something I can't predict will occur.

Regardless of any of those outcomes (and I am sure there are a few more I can't think of), she wins! She took a risk instead of wondering what would happen if she had asked him out.

Life is far too short to be in love with ambiguity.

Fortes fortuna adiuvat

In honor of five years of helping others help themselves, David Ezell is offering free workshops on relationships, weight loss and depression. Click on the links to register as seating is very limited.

Working on My New Years Resolutions

First, an apology. I have not blogged in a while.

Two reasons:

Strike that, three reasons:

1. I have been working on my resolutions;
2. I went of a long vacation;
3. I am trying to figure out how to fit blogging into my life.

So my apologies to those of you who have asked where my blogging disappeared to.

But back to my resolutions. Resolutions? It's not even close to January 1st, why, oh why am I talking resolutions?

Because we need goals. We need to be working towards something. I have three resolutions that I have been grappling with all of 2009. And now that we are fast approaching fall, I want to make sure that I have no regrets. So toil I must and I am on the verge, with at least one, of success. My projection is that two of the three, if not all three, will be done by this New Years Eve.

Why aren't people comfortable with goals? From what I have seen I think they don't want to fail. Fear of failure equals no goals. If I don't have ambitions I can't be hurt, right? So they live their lives putting out small fires and big fires, sometimes happy and sometimes sad. And there is nothing wrong with that, if that is what they want.

But what if you are not satisfied with that sort of life? It's not too late folks. Revive those old resolutions you may have thought of nine months back or create one or two today. Make sure they are measureable; you have to be able to identify when you have succeeded in order to know you are done. Also, make sure they are scaleable. Can they be done before the last day of the final month of the year?

Why the 31st of December? Well you have to have new ones right? I already have my first goal picked for 2010, and it is a doozy :).

Have a great day and a wonderful week.

In honor of five years of helping others help themselves, David Ezell is offering free workshops on relationships, weight loss and depression. Click on the links to register as seating is very limited.

Unsubscribing

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" goes the old adage. That was what I had in my head when I decided to subscribe to the NARTH newsletter a year or so ago.

For those of you who don't know, NARTH is the organization that tells sad parents and unhappy sexual minorities that they can change their sexuality if they try hard. It's silly. It's anti-scientific. And it's ethically wrong to tell people this, as a mountain of scientific data is proving time and again that sexuality is DNA-based, not a choice.

But every time one of their updates would appear in my in-box--a conference, one more workbook on how to teach boys to catch balls or change their own oil, another DVD for distraught parents--I would throw it away without reading it. Because not only is are these beliefs bullshit but they do damage to people as well.

These people and their propaganda make their victims feel that parts of their make up that is fixed is not. And that causes depression and anxiety in mild cases and self-hatred and suicide in the extreme.

So I just unsubscribed. A friendly pop-up box said:

We are sorry to see you go!

Please take a moment to tell us why you chose to unsubscribe.

I thought for a moment and wrote:

Because you are opportunists who cash in on other people's misery.

Cranking a Car I No Longer Own

I gave my car to charity in 1999 when I found out I was moving to New York City. I have not owned a car since. But about three times a month, as I run for the subway, I pull out my keys. A charming cognitive relic of my past life.

I suppose that shows how hard it is to break a habit. In my minds more primal parts I am going somewhere so I need my car keys. 1999 brain meet 2009--you, happily, have no car to crank.

Among the things this tells me, it tells me that habits are hard to break. Habits serve a function as automated thoughts so we don't have to be rethink every action we take every day. The down side of this is that undoing those automatic thoughts is an on-going challenge. I don't own a car, don't want one. BUT I still feel the occasional need to crank one up.

What are your antiquated and ingrained thoughts? What do you struggle with to deconstruct? Whatever it is change comes hard. Keep struggling and give yourself a break as you work to move from a past-focused mind to one set on the present and the future.

Rowe vs. Wade

Let's take a moment to think about Rowe vs. Wade and it's significance in the history of these Untied (sic) States.

Giving women control of their bodies to make their own ethical choices is a principle that has to be preserved. Giving women--giving people--the adults to make decisions is a basic right guaranteed by the founding documents of this nation (recall "the pursuit of happiness"). But beyond that it is the primary way we as humans grow.

Are some people going to be irresponsible? Certainly. Are some going to make bad choices based on their circumstances? Absolutely. But it will be their choice and not a dictate from a small clutch of judgemental thinkers acting in some pseudo-parental capacity.

Living is growing and learning. Learning comes from making decisions, good as well as bad. I actually think the bad choices are the ones that in the long run are far more valuable. Rowe vs. Wade as well as gay marriage are related in that sense. Empowering those without rights to make choices and discover consequences creates people who feel empowered and more adult, even if they made the wrong moves.

Here's to making the wrong moves--as well as the right ones.

Lose Your Big Stomach in 2 Days!?

In my neighborhood, for years now, I see pitches taped to street lamps and telephone poles. They all imply the same thing...quick fixes for one simple cure (and the money it costs to get cured of course).

And we as frail individuals all want that--a simple fix to a complex problem.

This just in--there are none.

What took energy and time to create--a gut, a codependent lover, credit card debt--with take an equal or greater amount of energy and some time to end. So as you work on your goals, both short and long, keep in mind how long it took to get you in the situation in the first place.

Hang in there and happy Monday!

Statistics and Real Life

The first time I bowled--I mean the very first time--I got a strike. I was desperate for a PE credit to graduate and every Tuesday morning at 8 (!) am I went to the local arcade de bowling to earn that final credit. And the first time I picked up a ball--WHAM--a strike.

What may one infer from that about my performance as a bowler based on that fact? Absolutely nothing. The reason is that the number of times I had bowled, what statisticians call the "N," the number of times I tried it, is far too low. And that makes sense. Beginner's luck could be the cause, or a high degree of natural skill or some other unforeseen factor.

Why am I talking about stats? Because statistics is the most scientific, systematic way to understand our lives. We need to try something more than once to see if whatever it is--dating someone new, public speaking, culottes--works for us. And most of the time that is not what I see when I speak to clients about change.

"I met her and within 15 minutes I had decided she was not into me"

"Once I started speaking they looked bored and I knew I was not doing a good job. I am never gonna go to Toastmasters again."

"I knew right away that I looked awful in culottes. People were staring at me!"

These are the sort of things I hear over and over. Making a life changing move--dating, trying something you are scared of, even wearing something you don't normally wear--is a change. And we humans don't do change well. So we jump to conclusions or we mind read or we predict the future based on a single moment. Not the greatest way to think about your life folks.

Try something, or someone, more than once. Be open to new ideas and concepts. And pay careful attention to the results. You might find that as your N increases you will gain more information that helps you get a more accurate picture of how your date, your speech, your new clothes, truly worked for you.

BTW, I never got another strike. And believe me, I had a large N by the time the semester had ended.

Have a great day!

Let’s Realign in 2009

Any of you who know me know that I balk at bumper sticker statements.

Now that I have said that, I have to admit I had my own Ali moment when I hopped out of the subway yesterday.

Let’s realign in 2009.

Okay, it not Shelley or Frost, but I like it. It works at the personal level, and it works at the national level as well. All of us need to look at what we are doing and decide how we can change it for the better.

What makes you unhappy in your life? Is it a big issue? Probably, but perhaps not. Regardless of size, write it down and then list everything that would make it more palatable, or tolerable, or maybe even go away.

Then pick the first step and start. Start right now. Take the first step towards a small part of the goal. Schedule reminders on your iPhone or other techno gadget or the calendar your pharmacy gave you. Need inspiration? Look at the clock…it waits for no one.

Let’s realign in 2009.