Match.com's Deceptive Practices

I was running down Broadway to get to the office when I was stopped cold in my tracks by the headline--LAWSUIT: MATCH.COM IS THE HEARTBREAKER.

I had to read it and was so excited to see what it said; Sean McGinn of Brooklyn has sued Match.com for deceptive practices. Great move Sean...let's get a class action suit in the works!

I have been doing on-line dating workshops for years and one of my major points has been that a major part of most, if not all, dating sites business models is built around a deception. A majority of the people you see on-line are not actually there. They were members for a while and then quit. But little do most of them know that their profiles keep on surfing the endless wave of new members. Sure Match.com promises 15 million members, but they don't tell how many are active. Why? It's a lot smaller number.

Dating is about risk and rejection. So getting up the nerve and the money to put yourself out there is hard all by itself. Why should that be exacerbated by your wasting time and money (these sites run about $40 a month) writing notes to and winking at doppelgängers that are not there?

I was recently reminded of this by a personal encounter I had with Match's sister-site, Chemistry.com. I created a profile as I think the science behind their business is sound and I wanted to see how it worked for myself. A few weeks in I saw a friend of mine in my list of five daily prospects (this site does not have searchability; they "hand pick" five prospects for you). I called him and said, "hey, I saw your profile and you were one of my matches, isn't that funny?"

He had no idea what I was talking about.

He had logged on one night, created a profile and then decided not to join. He had not paid a penny but there he was, offered up to me as a candidate for dating and potential mating. What a sham.

So what is the workaround? Two ideas:

1. When you search, make sure you seek out those who have been active in the past 2 weeks, or at the most, past 30 days. That insures that at least, to some degree, the people you make a pass at are not past.

2. Get off the Internet. I am not anti-net but I am anti-excess. Too much of anything, including web-time, is bad. Go out into the world, get involved and talk to others. At least you know they are there.

Dried Plums or Prunes?

I joined a new on-line dating site and was excited at the prospect of seeing who would cross my path as a result.

Well, Dame Fortune sure did smile down on me. The first guy who contacted me sounded like a really electric choice—Lonely Guy 247. “Friends tell me I am such a nice guy and always want to know why I have not found someone special.” And, to make a great ad even better—he did not have a picture on his profile! Wow.

The ironic section of this posting is now complete.

I think personals are a great way to get things started and I know scores of people who have met their significant others on-line. But many take the mistakes they make in the real world and plunk them down on the page. Take Lonely Guy 247 (let’s call him LG). LG, you need to really reconsider that handle you chose for yourself. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy if ever one was heard. If you want some traffic, you have to give people a reason to come to you.

Lonely Guy? It sizzles when you read it—damn, I can’t stop being ironic. And I need to, because I want to help LG. Dude, pick out something in your personality that is interesting, intriguing or exciting. Highlight that over the fact you are lonely and you are a guy. Lonely is as unsexy an adjective as one can pick and it is unexceptional—many people are lonely. And there are tons of Guys out there. What do you love? What do you have that is special about you? Take that and make that your nom de plume. Regardless of if you like it or not, we are selling a product when we go onto the Web—we are selling you.

The next part of rebranding an ad like this is that opening sentence. Grab me with a strong line. I just cut and pasted this from another one of my matches

“Okay... sure you've heard this before, but I'm new to this.”

Yes, I have heard it before. And saying it in your ad does nothing for you or me. Choose these opening words carefully. People only read a few lines at best. And saying things that have been said again and again make my “next” button finger itchy.

And the picture, or the lack of one….what can I say? Pictures sell things and sell people. I don’t know LG’s motivation for not having a picture but I promise you I am not imagining good things when I see an empty box where the image is supposed to be. It is the 21st century. Get a camera and get a friend, or hire a pro and get out there. What you may see as a weakness I may see as strength. So let me find out LG and if I am interested, I’ll get back to you.

Have a great Friday the 13th!

David Ezell is giving his annual Valentines workshop at the Jewish Community Center on the 23rd of February. Regardless of if you are a JCC member or not, or Jewish or not, this event is always fun and filled with singles. This year we will focus on creating an on-line personals ad using a volunteer’s pictures and copy in real time. Come join us!

© David Ezell 2009
All Rights Reserved

Looking for a Serious Relationship? NOT

I just skimmed some personals ads on-line and I have to say, it does not take too long to find a personals ad with problems. And as I get ready to give my February workshop "Writing an Irresistible Online Profile" I am looking for some prime examples of what not to do.

One of the more egregious crimes is having words that say one thing and pictures that say another. This crime, an offense punishable by not getting the responses you seek, occurs when people say they are tired of "trashy one night stands" and are "looking for true love." Or they say, "NOT looking for a hook up."

Well what is wrong with that you ask?

The words don't match their actions. They say that, and then they put up pics like the one you see here. I'm not complaining now...it is a nice shot. But that said, listen to the words and look at the torso. One does not support the other.

What is the solution? If you are looking for sex, that is fine. Go after it and post pictures like this. If you are seeking true love--all the best--it is hard to find. But don't pictures like this for your quest. Pictures for one can't support pictures for the other. We need headshots, and a few of them, ALL TAKEN WITHIN THE LAST SIX MONTHS. People need to see you, the person, not you the abs. Don't complain about being treated like a piece of meat if that is what you are selling my dear.

Speaking of which...I need some new pictures.

Have a great day.