Oh Those Holiday Parties…

December is a time to let go, right? WRONG!

This morning I got up, meditated, did my morning routine and then planned my nutritional day. I do that by opening up my favorite food tracking app, MyMacros Plus, and mapping out my eating for the day. I am currently feeding down and that means on Mondays I am allowed 2100 calories; the only restriction is that my protein consumption cannot be less than 200 grams. 

On normal days where I am in control of my eating I simply fill up my bag with food and slowly nibble away until the last bite is gone. Once that happens if I get a craving to nibble I “cheat” with my old standbys — sugar-free bubble gum, cough drops and occasionally a few pickles or some egg whites if I’m really famished. 

The thing is, I’m not always in control of my eating plan this time of year primarily because of holiday parties. As I continue to network and build my practice I get more and more offers for holiday happy hours and end of the year sit down dinners. And since they are at the end of the day, usually between 6 and 8 pm, my resolve is low, the goodies are plentiful and just the right price — free. So planning in advance is the key to sustained success. 

So what to do? Well I have two approaches that I freely offer to you dear readers: 1. Don’t Eat! or 2. Build the get together into your day. 

Option One is the easiest — at least from a planning perspective — and exactly what I did Thursday night when I went to an awesome get together at The Goose in downtown Darien. I grazed throughout the day as always (usually six small meals around 350 to 400 calories) finishing my last meal about 6:15 pm on the train to the event. Knowing that I had event at the day’s end, I left myself around 300 calories to play with by omitting parmesan cheese and sunflower seeds from my Thursday salads, just in case I was feeling left out. 

Once I got to Darien I told the bartender I wanted a drink that looked like alcohol but was just seltzer (imagine a nice garnish, a straw and a swizzle stick or two) because alcohol is empty calories and lowers even the stronger resolve. There were tons of goodies floating about — chips and dip, handmade sliders and hand-tossed pizza — all of which I passed on thanks to my trust seltzer with lime.

Then I spotted a “safe” food that I could nibble; broiled prawns with cocktail sauce. I had around 8 ounces of shrimp and dipped each in cocktail sauce, equaling around 200 calories and 46 grams of protein — thank goodness I had saved myself some nibble room. 

When dinner came I sat next to some really interesting people. The man to my right had lost a considerable amount of weight some years past (and had beat the odds and kept it off), so we had loads to discuss. And the woman to my right, a family therapist from Fairfield, was a delight. 

The waiter slowly made his way around and everyone placed their orders — steak, lobster rolls, seafood au gratin —all way outside of my daily dietary orbit. When the waiter came to me I told him to bring me a plain dinner salad with no dressing and no bread. My plan for the rest of the night was to move the salad around on my plate and keep the conversation going. Why not skip ordering? People don’t tend to like that. They will cajole me and tell me how I should “just have a little bit” or even encourage me to “take a break the night.” But with food in front of me few people noticed and I avoided making others uncomfortable. I went home delighted with my numbers and the next morning my weight was right on track — 219 even. I was so proud of myself for holding the course and doing what needed to be done. 

Was I temped by seafood au gratin and sliders? What do you think? Of course I was—it’s homemade sliders with cheese! But after decades of struggle I know how it works — if I eat off course I am going to put weight back on, it’s just that simple. So while I am sometimes tempted I don’t waiver. I know what not being disciplined gets me and I never want to go back to that again. 

Later this week I will discuss plan two in detail and give you a real-world example from Sunday when I met friends for lunch across from Grand Central Station. But now — off to workout! Have a great Monday! 

Where Have I Been? Sick… :(

Food poisoning has kept me out of sorts for the past week so blogging has been on hold.

I got a few really nice notes asking where I have been. And the answer is right here, flat on my back sick. I will be writing a post about what I learned from severe food poisoning, but right now I’m going to join friends for Thanksgiving in lower Manhattan.

So have a great day off, as will I, and I’ll catch up with you guys tomorrow.

81 pounds down!

I’m delighted to say yesterday’s prediction of moving into the teens happened, even better than expected. Now the next step….

This morning I woke up a bit early and laid in bed, meditated, napped a bit more and then hit the scales. I was strangely anxious and really needed to see good news. I heard the “beep!” and looked down to see this glowing up at me: 

Needless to say, I was delighted. I was hoping for 219.9, so this is damn solid. I hopped off the scale, took the above picture and celebrated with my Starbucks cheat drink, a Masala Chai (70 calories) and my favorite protein bar, Stronger with caramel pretzel (300 calories, 25 grams of protein). 

I looked at my stats and realized this weight had not only moved me into the teens but made we only 20 pounds shy of my goal, 101 pounds lost. It’s been an amazing year for me and I’m stoked about finding what the next 20 pounds off will have to offer. 

I’ve gotten so much great response from writing about my journey — a woman stopped me outside Equinox and said she and her husband were pulling for me; a man at church tapped me on the shoulder and offered his support; and several of the phone calls we have gotten at our amazing mental health practice, Darien Wellness, over the past month have been inquiries about how people can work with me as a coach. It’s always a surprise and I am so grateful for the kind words and expressions of support. 

I actually already have a waiting list for clients in Connecticut (pleasant problem) so I have been thinking about a way I can help people keep weight off for life. I’m in the process of putting a plan together, and I still have some details to iron out. But once I have it all set up I’ll announce it here and across the web. 

Okay, I’m off to start the day — aerobics, writing, meetings and more — have a wonderful Friday! 

One Thing I'll Miss About John Boehner

Even as the Pope addresses the faithful of New York, the Times just reported that Speaker of the House John Boehner will step down at the end of October.

Politics aside, when I think about Speaker Boehner I think about his atypical emotions, i.e. he is not afraid to cry.

While some have accused him of being manipulative--and sometimes tears are just that--I think it's a brave thing for a man in our emotions-phobic world to cry. Think about it, can you name another male public figure who openly cries?

In my Darien counseling practice I help men get in touch with a variety of emotions and frequently encounter men who have never cried in their adult lives. Teaching them to experience a full range of emotions is a part of what I do and on more than one occasion Mr. Boehner's tears are a topic we discuss.

Can you name any other public men who cry? I'll need more models as he steps down from the public eye.

Clothing of the Future!

One of the basic cognitive errors all humans make is fortune telling. In fortune telling we attempt to predict the future usually with a negative slant. Most of the times the purpose is to avoid risk or harm. You try to imagine life without John and you can't so you don't make demands on him, keeping you unhappy and him unaware of your needs. Suffering in silence is the result, based on fear of confrontation or possible desertion.

There is something very comforting about this illusory thinking and the main reason is risk is scary to us fear averse humans.

I just saw this video, shared by an artist friend, and smiled more than once at the folly of attempting to predict the future even five minutes from now. We all feel a desire to predict what's coming next but are rarely, if ever, right. Being in the present and experiencing now is a much better, and healthier, choice.

Not All Therapies Are Equal

Every now and then  I read an article and say "yes....yes" under my breath as I read. Such was the case with today's New York Times OpEd, "Psychotherapy's Image Problem." In the piece Dr. Brandon Gaudiano warned my industry that unless they make a commitment to proven treatment methods, over time our practices will be shut out by skeptical consumers and insurance companies who need to be shown therapy works.

And it does--at least some therapies do. 

I only work in empirically proven methods--primarily Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness and Family along with the Gottman method for couples. When I discuss my commitment to science my peers across the country--many of whom I respect and am friends with--pay lip service to proven methods and then do pretty much whatever they please. That concerns me because it effects me; if their patient's experience is not optimal that experience effects my practice and the reputation of the entire industry. Doing efficacious work is not only ethical but also smart business, if and when it is done. 

I agree whole heartedly with Dr. Gaudiano; if we do not move to evidence-based practices we will be shut out by consumers who don't trust us and insurance companies that rightly expect results from our work within reasonable time frames. As we approach a new era of health care in the coming months, I can only hope the American Counseling Association and the American Psychological Association are listening. 

Bradley Manning's Gender Identity Struggle

This morning Bradley Manning's attorney read a statement on the Today show saying that his client, recently sentenced to 35 years for leaking material to Wikileaks, wants to start living his life as a woman.

As I heard the news I was floored and, I have to admit, a tad skeptical.  I am honored to work with the trans community (not to mention all sorts of others, hetero and gay as well) and am defensive of those who would ridicule these brave folk, so that is my knee jerk impulse--to question this announcement. I don't know Mr. Manning and can't vouch for his integrity but I can only hope this is not a plea for publicity. The struggles of the trans community are so varied, deep and enduring that they cannot afford an opportunist seeking attention.

Chelsea Manning

That said, does this young man need any more publicity? He is known around the world for his actions, with some wanting to award him the Nobel Peace Prize and others demanding his execution.

I then did some reading and found Manning has struggled with the issue of his gender for some time and that it was discussed in his trial. I was not aware of this because of the lack of coverage of his trial in the mainstream. But once I found out he has previously been diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder (GID)--literally having the brain of one sex in the body of another--I was relieved and felt tremendous sympathy for her. 

From here on I am going to refer to Mr. Manning as Ms. Manning, as I would with anyone else who told me they wanted to transition. Who am I to tell her, or anyone, who they really are?

As I tell my clients--from the heterosexual teenager with family issues to the housewife struggling with anxious thoughts to the woman in her eighties who wants a divorce after sixty years of marriage--you are an expert on yourself. I will never know who you are better than yourself.

The world is so hard for the most mainstream of people and it is even harder every step one takes away from the norm. So I wish Chelsea Manning well and hope she is afforded the medical and legal accommodations that allow her to be who she really is.