Dont Let Black Friday Put You in the Red

(control) = (happiness)

Let me predict the news at your local network affiliate: long lines fought to get deep discounts on big ticket items. Store owners report solid sales but the numbers did not reach expectations.

Am I a psychic? No. But I know that will be the story, barring some national disaster. Black Friday. All the hype. All the noise. But it is just another day, even if the media and their spin doctors call it otherwise. Sure there are some real bargins out there, I won't deny that. However, based on the status of our personal, as well as national economics, bargains, and the pursuit of them, has gotten in this condition. Why not make today the first day you give in to the consumer peer pressure affiliated with this day?

Spend money on gifts if you have it. Even if you do have it, don't go overboard. On a budget? Make gifts if you are handy or offer to do favors, or cook for loved ones, or just tell them how much they mean to you. Not all presents have to be brand new and wrapped in plastic.

A large portion of our national and personal grief can be directly linked to our compulsive consumerism which has to stop. Why not make today the day to take a stand?

Don't Want to Overeat? Ruin Your Appetite (and Other Ideas to Preserve Your Waistline)

(< calories in) = (< work to get it off)

It is almost time to sit down with the family and you know Aunt Mae has brought her infamous pecan pie. What to do?

Ruin your appetite. 

One hour before the family sits down, have a few glasses of water and eat a protein bar. It will fill you up and make all those goodies seem a little less good. Also, make wise choices--focus on soups (if there is soup, eat two servings) and vegetables and shy away from casseroles, fried foods and mayonaise-based items.

What to do when you are encouraged (pressured) to get seconds? Don't say, "oh no, I am watching what I eat," as alll that will do is get those who aren't to taunt you. Get up, put a few things on a plate and then put the plate in front of you. After a minute or two get up to get something to drink and don't sit back at the table, or sit in some other seat. The status quo will be satisfied and your can keep your holiday eating in check.

As for desserts? Eat them if you feel so inclined. Have a small slice and don't finish it. Or finish it. But realize the consequences of eating it, or anything. Food in = energy out. The less intake, the less work to get it off your body.

Happy holidays!

Can Being an Individual Put You at Incresed Risk for Depression?

 (culture) + (biology) = (depression)?

I just read a fascinating article about the complicated role a person's culture plays in their likelihood to be depressed.

I can tell you as one who lives as an iconoclast that such a life comes at great expense. There is a great cost for not conforming to group rules, and it makes sense that when a person is ostracized that she would be more likely to be depressed, anxious, or both.

Take a look at the article and tell me what you think. 

Happy Wednesday!

The Clarity of Distance

(difficult relations) + (long distances)  = better relations

In speaking with a friend about my relationship with a relative I don’t like, my words prompted her to breathe a sigh of relief. “That makes me feel so much better about how I feel about Cindy,” she replied. Cindy, a relative of hers, is not her favorite person. But because of cultural conventions, she felt the need to pretend her feelings are bad and tell herself that she should be ashamed for feeling how she does about blood kin.

That is not too surprising--most cultures, if not all, tell their people they have to love their parents, brothers, sisters and any other blood relations, at all costs. That is not true. It would be nice if was and many times it happily is. But many times it 's not. And that falsehood, that we have to love someone because of DNA, leads to thoughts of "should" and "ought," which in turn ferment into guilt and a sense of failure.

I don’t believe this myth of familial love is natural—and there does not seem to be any evidence to indicate it is. I think the concept arose out of necessity. Like many taboos, this one has a function, not unlike the rules against incest. We have, for hundreds of thousands of years, lived in small clans and within those groups clear understandings of family insured cohesiveness. In that situation everyone you live with is a relation—figuratively your brother or sister. Having a level of investment in each member is more likely to insure you will have the other's back when a saber toothed tiger shows up for a meal. In that system disharmony equaled death.

One of the side effects of modern society is that the need to give undying support to your family is, in many cases, less important than it was at any other time. In the modern world people can, and often do, leave the place they were born, something that has never occurred outside of a few glaring exceptions (think The Crusades or marching with Alexander the Great). One of my best friends lives over 3,000 miles from our place of birth and according to Google maps, I am over 900 miles away as well. I have a client who is in the exact opposite place on the globe from where he was born—how much farther can one get?

The ability to leave has the potential to do many things One of them is to give us clarity about relationships, by blood or otherwise, that need to be better understood. When everyone is clumped together, there is a high incentive to play nice and get along, or at least pretend you do. Distance allows us to see, not unlike the far-sighted person reading a book at arms length. In being removed from circumstances we are allowed to see our loved ones, and not so loved ones, for who they are. Consequently we may be able to recognize heroes we never noticed and sometimes recognize bullies who seemed to be dear friends.

This scary concept flies in the face of conventional logic. But many times ideas that are challenging seem that way because they have, at least to some degree, an element of truth. If you get along with all your family members, count thyself lucky. If you don’t, you are not alone.

I am MILK Intolerant

I had a funny/disturbing occurance last night at the movies. While on line (I have lived in NY long enough, I now say "on line" as opposed to being "in" it) to see The Wrestler (4 out of 5 stars), I had a friend ask me if I had seen Milk.

I told her that Milk was okay (as reported earlier in this blog), and that unlike many people I thought it was a rather pedestrian affair. I have seen a great many bio pics, and I think that Milk pales when compared to Isadora, Coal Miner's Daughter, Young Abe Lincoln...even The Buddy Holly Story is a better film then Milk. I think people love it because of the fiasco of Prop. 8 and the fact (stated below) that Sean Penn, a straight guy, kisses men!

All of a sudden the woman ahead of us on-line announced that Milk IS a great film. She was quite declarative in her endorsement that I was wrong and she was right--it is great. I used my clinical superpowers to frame it up for her and make her realize the reasons it may have spoken to her. But I was shocked by her behavior and troubled by the unspoken text of our conversation.

Milk is a story about a queer character told in a positive light. And sadly, tales such as this don't get told very often by homophobic Hollywood. That said, that still does not make it a better or worse film. I refuse to fall in lock step with those who think Milk is the greatest film of the year, anymore than I did when critics and civilians alike hailed one of the most tedious films of '08, The Dark Knight, because it is Heath Ledger's last performance. Was Heath a great actor? Yes. Was he a friend to queers? Yes. Was Dark Knight good? HELL NO. It sucked.

Movies are movies. They speak to us or they do not. But feeling the need to like something, anything, because of the statement it makes is a weak choice. One of the challenges in life is picking one's own intellectual agenda. It is not always easy, but it is genuinely you. And being you--your true self--and not some political clone, is the way to better mental health.

Harvey Milk died for that belief--how ironic.