When Should We Be Alarmed?

(problems) - (PANIC!) = solutions

When should we be alarmed? Never. Panicking never makes things better, only worse.

Recently on one of my professional discussion groups a woman asked:

"Why is the number of chilren [sp] diagnosed with Autism increasing? Are we becoming alarmed?"

I think her question was sincere but is flavored by the sort of sensationalism that  decades of local TV news has created in our culture. I love people who ask questions and certainly ask my fair share. That said, effective questions are ones that lead to clarity, not create chaos.

That said, this is the response I wrote to the woman on my board:

Becoming alarmed about autism does nothing. I think many people who are uninformed are becoming alarmed. But should we? I think not. Becoming alarmed does nothing but make a problem bigger.

What is the reason for increase in the diagnosis of autism? Unsure....and this is not my areas of expertise so I am hesitant to add much to this discourse. However, I think if you look at other conditions that are hard to diagnose--ADHD comes to mind but I am sure there are others--there is a rise in its diagnosis as well. I think as we refine our knowledge we have a higher degree of understanding about such conditions. So that is certainly one factor.

One thing I do know....there is no one cause. Mono-causality is a common mistake and an oversimplification of any problem or an attempt to find a solution. There are a variety of reasons and each needs to be examined calmly and in a consistent fashion.

Beware dear readers of anyone who uses fear or panic to sell their agenda, or products, or services. The only reason for panic that I can see is an increasing number of people are finding that creating fear and hysteria are a legitimate way to make a buck.

Flu Facts and Flu Fiction

 (mind) + (body) = mody

Flu season is truly upon us. In the past 24 hours I have heard so many people claim to have the flu, or the cold, or some combination thereunto, that I lost track.

And I have found a very handy on tool that I wanted to share with my readers--it is called Flu.Gov. While I am usually cautious around sites such as this, on this site I automatically found two things I liked:

1. There is a link to vaccination information all over the country

2. There is a H1N1/Swine Flu evaluation tool

I know the 'net is full of anecdotal horror stories about one person's beliefs about immunization.

Folks, the flu vaccine is science, not religion.

Immunization saves lives (or in the case of the flu, makes living a lot easier). Vaccines are not something to believe in, they are a fact and they are effective. They work, they save lives--go get one, especially if you are at risk (parents, health providers, people at risk, etc.). I am on my way to have my shot this morning--regardless of if I like it, or not.

Have a great day!

What Do You Get From Exercising JUST ONE TIME?

I have felt this oh so many times before, nice to see it proven...the very act of exercising can make you feel better about your body.

Take a RISK!

The other day a phrase came to me from Virgil, the Roman historian:

"Fortes fortuna adiuvat"

Translated, that means fortune favors the bold.

That phrase stands the test of time--be bold, what in the hell have you got to lose sitting on the sidelines?

I know a woman who has never asked a man out on a date because that is "not what ladies do." She always sits by the phone, thinking that by doing so she is not behaving like "a lady." And that scenario is making her miserable. Out of obligation to tradition, she is making herself miserable.

Since this is a family blog I won't say the one word that is 8-letters long, starts with a "b" and ends with "t." I have challenged her to stop doing the same behavior she is complaining about. If she meets a man she would like to go out with, forget The Rules and pick up the phone.

What would happen if she asked a man out?

1. She won't like him;
2. She will like him:
3. He will like her:
4. He won't like her;
5. They will both like each other;
6. They will both not like each other;
7. He won't show up...
8. Or something I can't predict will occur.

Regardless of any of those outcomes (and I am sure there are a few more I can't think of), she wins! She took a risk instead of wondering what would happen if she had asked him out.

Life is far too short to be in love with ambiguity.

Fortes fortuna adiuvat

In honor of five years of helping others help themselves, David Ezell is offering free workshops on relationships, weight loss and depression. Click on the links to register as seating is very limited.

The Clarity of Distance

(difficult relations) + (long distances)  = better relations

In speaking with a friend about my relationship with a relative I don’t like, my words prompted her to breathe a sigh of relief. “That makes me feel so much better about how I feel about Cindy,” she replied. Cindy, a relative of hers, is not her favorite person. But because of cultural conventions, she felt the need to pretend her feelings are bad and tell herself that she should be ashamed for feeling how she does about blood kin.

That is not too surprising--most cultures, if not all, tell their people they have to love their parents, brothers, sisters and any other blood relations, at all costs. That is not true. It would be nice if was and many times it happily is. But many times it 's not. And that falsehood, that we have to love someone because of DNA, leads to thoughts of "should" and "ought," which in turn ferment into guilt and a sense of failure.

I don’t believe this myth of familial love is natural—and there does not seem to be any evidence to indicate it is. I think the concept arose out of necessity. Like many taboos, this one has a function, not unlike the rules against incest. We have, for hundreds of thousands of years, lived in small clans and within those groups clear understandings of family insured cohesiveness. In that situation everyone you live with is a relation—figuratively your brother or sister. Having a level of investment in each member is more likely to insure you will have the other's back when a saber toothed tiger shows up for a meal. In that system disharmony equaled death.

One of the side effects of modern society is that the need to give undying support to your family is, in many cases, less important than it was at any other time. In the modern world people can, and often do, leave the place they were born, something that has never occurred outside of a few glaring exceptions (think The Crusades or marching with Alexander the Great). One of my best friends lives over 3,000 miles from our place of birth and according to Google maps, I am over 900 miles away as well. I have a client who is in the exact opposite place on the globe from where he was born—how much farther can one get?

The ability to leave has the potential to do many things One of them is to give us clarity about relationships, by blood or otherwise, that need to be better understood. When everyone is clumped together, there is a high incentive to play nice and get along, or at least pretend you do. Distance allows us to see, not unlike the far-sighted person reading a book at arms length. In being removed from circumstances we are allowed to see our loved ones, and not so loved ones, for who they are. Consequently we may be able to recognize heroes we never noticed and sometimes recognize bullies who seemed to be dear friends.

This scary concept flies in the face of conventional logic. But many times ideas that are challenging seem that way because they have, at least to some degree, an element of truth. If you get along with all your family members, count thyself lucky. If you don’t, you are not alone.

Beliefs vs. Facts

I am amused when people treat facts like Santa Claus.

Facts--global warming, the mind/body connection or having a man of color in the White House--are frequently treated as if they are beliefs that may or may not be believed.

Well dear readers have a seat. They are true; the climate is changing, the mind and the body are one in the same and we have a non-Caucasian running things in these Untied, I mean United States.

Differentiating between fact and what one wishes or hopes for is a skill that is difficult to acquire. Why? Because humans tend to have a desire to see the world as they want it to be and not as it is.

Regardless, the duty of the educated is to look for evidence from reliable sources and challenge those who espouse ignorance. Doing so will not always make you the most popular person at the party. But, as Edmund Burke wrote a while back, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

Pick your battles--you do want to have friends--but when you hear someone challenge your core ideas, go after them. Otherwise you are part of the problem.