Dating vs. Hooking Up

BUT FIRST A QUICK COMMERCIAL...
On February 23rd David's workshop Writing an Irresistible Online Profile (for the LGBT community) is at the Jewish Community Center on the UWS in Manhattan.This event, for Jews and goys alike, will be a blast, with us creating a volunteer's on-line profile in real time. How do you pick pics? What's the best way to say something that will make them hit reply? Come find out...place your reservation now!

DATING VS. HOOKING UP

Sometimes when I am working with one of a group, I am surprised to find that my clients don't seem to be aware of the difference between hooking up and dating.

Hooking Up: Running or replying to an ad for casual, "no strings" sex. Typically this involves a lot of short e-mails, the exchange of some explicit and some benign photos, totally inappropriate replies from strange people, the identification of a person of interest followed by a 10-second phone call to make sure the other party sounds sane then a clandestine meeting at one of the people's homes.

These events will, in most cases, never lead to a second encounter. In some cases, where the chemistry is right and the individuals look better in real life than in their pictures, the two of them become "friends with benefits" or, (make sure there are no kids around), "fuck buddies."

Dating: This activity can stem from any variety of sources--mutual friends, meeting on the street, co-workers who know someone or even an 0n-line ad on a legitimate site (preferably Yahoo Personals as E-Harmony and Match are both laden with troublesome political ties). As with the hook-up, pictures may be swapped (less provocative ones usually) and a phone call or two may follow as well. However, unlike the hook-up, the meeting is almost always public and focused on an activity besides the horizontal hustle.

These events will, in most cases, never lead to a second encounter. In some cases, where the chemistry is right and/or the individuals look better in real life than in their pictures, the two of them go on a second date. Out of that population, a third date is a slim possibility that leads to a forth, rinse and repeat.

Can dates emerge from hooking-up? In the words of the Magic 8 Ball, "signs point to no." In almost no cases will that occur, although it seems everyone I say this to has a friend who met his or her significant other at a sex party and they have been together over ten years and have a house upstate.

To summarize, there is nothing wrong with either hooking up or dating. Neither is a perfect system but they are separate entities and create separate results. Hooking-up almost never gives one anything more than a few moments pleasure. Dating tends to take a longer time to return rewards but does offer the chance for something more the next day. The problem lies in a person doing one and wanting it to be the other--a decidedly human trait.

Happy Friday!