Does Money Really Equal Happiness?

(work) + (love) = happiness

I just read a post that made me think.

In the post, the author (the piece is unsigned, which is a tad troubling) claimed that there is not a direct correlation between doing what you love and making more money.

That may be true. However, I do not think that is the issue. 

I find that belief is based on a faulty, and very American, assumption that a grande paycheck translates into mucho happiness. I can testify, at least at the anecdotal level (my own and my clients), that that is simply not true. I think job happiness equals life happiness--and if riches appear, that is gravy.

Behavioral psychology tell us people do what they want to do. Knowing this is true, that means that having a job that you like or love means you are more likely to work harder and succeed.

Which challenges the concept that money equals happiness. I think it can give one security, but it does not ensure happiness in any way. A person can have a job they hate, make a ton of cash, and be miserable every day all day long. Meanwhile that same person can barely get by, love their work and work long hours, and I am willing to bet they would rate themselves as being far more satisfied with their life. Based on scientific facts, I think the second scenario is much more likely to create a happy life.

So career-changers beware. Believing that BIG PAY = SMILES is a dangerous philosophy that my work tells me is simply not true.

Read the original post here.

What's the Number One Reason People Can't Make Changes Stick?

(change) - (one step) = status quo

'Tis the season to change. People are back from the beach, out of Mai Tai mix and realizing that whatever was wrong pre-tan line is still there post-tan. Regardless of if it is needing a career change, wanting to lose that final 20 pounds or conquering depression, the fall is the time when people reach out to me for help.

Based on my own experience and the experiences of my clients, I have the number one reason short-term change fails to translate into long-term success.

Drum roll please.......

They don't fully engage. I work wtih them to understand their problem and help them design a plan to create significant, and real change in their lives. They are on board for 80 or 90% of it but one key aspect of the plan, many times THE key aspect, keeps them from success.

Let me give you an example. Years ago a client came to me complaining of anxiety, insomnia and of a boyfriend she was "addicted" to. No matter how hard she tried, she could not shake him out of her life. I spent a few weeks learning about friends (very few or none) and family relationships (she had cut them off because they were critical of HIM). She had inherited a significant amount of money from her father's estate so she did not work. It seemed that for the most part she had taken on Rodney (a pseudonym) as her full time job.

She and I created a plan that engaged her in community service with a few key causes she was passionate about. In that way she could begin to build friendships with people who shared her interests. We also implemented a three day a week exercise plan, mostly made up of classes, so she would have a schedule to keep and other opportunities for friendship. The most important part of the plan regarded Rodney--we agreed she would write and tell him they needed a full year apart to see who she was--and who he was too. I was convinced that the year clear of Rodney would allow her to see him for what he was as opposed to the man she imagined him to be.

Almost immediately we began weekly check-ins to see where she was on her three goals. She excelled in her non-profit work and lost seven pounds in her first month working out. She had also weened herself from her anti-anxiety meds, replacing them with the square breathing exercises I had taught her when she felt anxious. Her sleep had also gotten better in that she was physically and mentally active, making her more tired at day's end. Last of all, she had not spoken to Rodney, who she missed greatly.; she realized why the break was important and was committed to sticking to her plan. All tolled, she had a real success on her hands.

However, a few weeks later month two proved to be harder; the anxiety outbreaks began to reappear and her exercise tapered off from three to two days a week. A few sessions later she said something about what Rodney was doing. I asked how she knew and she confessed that she had been texting with him for about three weeks. She claimed she did not think texting "counted," so we discussed the implications of any contact with a man who "did not seem to be good for her" (her words, not mine).

"It is so hard," she said, "we meant so much to each other for so long." I asked her if she thought it was a coincidence that her exercise had gone down and anxiety had risen--threatening her plan. She said no, and told me she would try harder.

Eventually all of her forward motion was derailed by her inability to take a year off from Rodney. Was the goal hard? Yes, I acknowledged that it was. However, I would say, and she agreed, that no matter how hard it was it was not as hard as the life she lived under Rodney's control.

She had asked me to help her create a transition plan and we did, an effective one at least at the start. However, it was her inability to be consistent that kept her from moving forward and making her life a better one.

Do you see any of my former client in you? Creating real change is so very hard. One way to ensure success is accepting the entire plan and trying it out. After all, what do you have to lose?

Men Happier Than Women? No Ship Sherlock

After watching this weekend's television I have decided that the world is a fairly safe place, at least for the moment. The reason being that CNN apparently has little to report, outside of a study saying the men are happier than women.

What makes this a surprise?

Women have less power in our society than men. Any time a group has less power they are less likely to be happy. Regardless of if the group is denied their rights by sex, gender, sexuality, economics or skin tone, the dominant segment is going to display a decided tendency to be more satisfied with their lives.

Yes, I recognize women have made strides in the social arena since the dark days pre-Betty Friedan. However, there is hardly equity between women and their far happier male counterparts. Anyone who doubts that fact needs to check out the makeup of the senate. Women are half the population--how many female senators are there? Or how about C.E.O.s--how many of them have duplicate chromosomes? Men still run the world...and smiles will fall on those in charge.

Also, consider the fact that women are far more in touch with their feelings than their male counterparts--which actually is another side effect of being second class. Those on the outside tend to show a much stronger ability to read the room and understand how the dominant group behaves and feels. Women think about feelings and attitudes as a function of survival. What would be the motivation for (most) men to be self-aware? When you run the show, you can stumble through life with little regard for others--making those in second place a lot less happy group. But if you have to respond to another group's demand, in this case those of men, the less powerful group is going to focus on what mood the men, as well as themselves, are in.

Smile and have a great Monday.

David Ezell is offering free introductory classes for people who want to transition their bodies or their ability to manage depression and anxiety holistically. Just click the link and register, as space is VERY LIMITED.